As the last stand of the white man continues, President Bush decided who should succeed Sandra Day O'Connor and sit on the Supreme Court. His selection is some nice white guy with a nice basic record and a nice decent name: John Roberts. One more white guy, one less woman. The white man will not go gently into that good night.

Of course, this is not the issue that smart and All-American John Roberts will have to conquer. With the myriad of issues and debates in this grand old country of ours called The United States of America, there is only one question people care about when it comes to their federal judges: Where do you stand on Roe v. Wade?

That's it. That the $10,000 question, or rather, that's The Supreme Question. Roe v. Wade. Roe v. Wade. Where do you stand? Would you overturn it given the chance? You said it was incorrectly decided, John Roberts. You also said you stood behind the precedent, John Roberts. Which way will you go? What will you do? Tell us, tell us, tell us.

How did our country get so single minded? Since when did someone's view on abortion become the one and only view to consider when selecting a lifetime appointment to the highest court of the land. Many people are pro-choice, and there are a ton of reasons to think that way. Right to privacy, women's rights, health concerns, and that fact that many girls get pregnant who have no intention of caring for their offspring. Many other people are pro-life, and there are a ton of reasons to think that way. Family values, adamant religious doctrine, an opposition to the killing of an unborn child, and the fact that the whole concept of abortion is morally disturbing. Pick a side. Either side.

I used to be more resolute about my view on abortion. My position was stalwart, studied and deliberately thought out. I knew what side I was on, and that side was right. Something has happened as I have gotten older. The issue of abortion has NEVER EVER directly affected me. I don't get laid that often, and I have never gotten a woman pregnant. The topic of abortion has never come up in my personal life. It's very difficult for me to get all bent out of shape on an issue that appears to bypass me entirely. If this is the #1 issue in the country, if this is The Supreme Question, if this is the line drawn in the sand, knock down, drag out, up or down, with us or against us debate, I have to admit I'm out of the loop and don't know what I would do if the consideration of abortion came into my life. I would bet that the majority of Americans have equally as much direct experience with abortion as I do.

Since I've been able to avoid the pro-life and pro-choice camps for my entire life, my decision on Roe v. Wade has been made purely by speculation and assumption. I have always believed in the right for an individual to choose. Not just choose on whether to have an abortion, but choose whatever they want about anything. If we can't make our own choices, then how will we ever take responsibility for our actions? Since I am a white male, I cannot bear children. I do not have to ever make the choice of whether to have an abortion or not. I can have opinions and stances, but this is something that an impregnated woman must decide for herself. Whether it's legal or illegal, the process of abortion exists and will always be used. The question is whether you want to make someone a criminal for having an abortion. Personally, I believe we already have enough criminals in this country.

There are other issues that affect me much more directly. I'm a strong advocate of the First Amendment, I don't think smoking marijuana should be a crime (and that pot is in fact a quality and safe pain killer), I think sexual preference and fetishes should be kept personal and considered a right of privacy, I think the Patriot Act sacrifices far too many civil liberties, I think 18-year-olds should be allowed to drink alcohol (they're sending those kids to war, so drink up), and I believe in the right to choose your own destiny. There are a ton of choices, issues, debates, concerns and dilemmas that face our judicial system, but it all gets whittled down to one freaking Supreme Question.

Mr. Jungle, where do you stand on Roe v. Wade?
If you don't mind, Mr. Senator, I prefer to sit.

Chris Jungle obeys most of the laws of the land.