When it comes to the Bible, there are only a handful of characters that I truly admire. Adam always seemed pussy-whipped, Eve was definitely manipulative, Abraham appeared distant and old, David was an adulterer, and Job was a masochist. When I get right down to it, the guys I appreciate the most are Moses (the best and most completely told story in The Old Testament), Daniel (the trippy dream interpreter), and Jesus of Nazareth. When it comes to living my life to the best of my ability, it's really only Jesus who I really try to emulate.

Let me clear this up. I am not a Christian. I was accepted into the Methodist Church when I was in 7th grade (suckered in at 12 years old). By 10th grade, I had serious doubts about the validity of the Bible and organized religion. By the time I was a senior in high school, I only went to church as a formality when my Dad was in town (about once every two months). These days, I only go to church for weddings and funerals. Even as my belief and faith has diminished, the story of Jesus has remained a powerful influence over me. After enduring the tumultuous soul-searching twenties, I can admit it: I have a hard-on 4 Jesus.

I've read many a philosophy, and the simple teachings of Jesus still ring true for living a good life. Politicians quibble every few years on whether The Ten Commandments should be on the walls of schools. I would actually push more for The Golden Rule instead: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. Some people interpret that to mean be nice to everyone, but I don't see it that way. Sometimes, people need to be given a hand. Sometimes, they need to be scolded. Sometimes, they should be saved or left alone to figure things out. To steal a bit from Native American beliefs, everything you do should be done "in a good way." That's what Jesus did.

The phrase 'What would Jesus do?' gets passed around often. I don't think that phrase is effective unless you really know the story of Jesus' life. I've found that many Christians do not know about his life. They know about his birth, his miracles and his death, but not how he lived. The guy hung out with the poor. He was simple tradesman. He consorted with fishermen, shepherds and prostitutes (not exactly high society). He did not hold a steady job. He drank wine on a regular basis. He told many simple fables with enduring lessons. Not a bad storyteller, that Jesus.

In modern day America, it's not easy to be like Jesus or even look like him. At this moment, I have long hair and bushy facial hair. When I walk past parents and their children on the street, more often than not the parent will put a hand on the child to steer them out of my way. More often than not, the kids are fascinated by the guy who doesn't look like the norm.

Being like Jesus will cost you. I drove an old lady to the doctor in the cab, and the ride cost $5.80 on the meter. She gave me two fives and said "I know it's not much of a tip, but I appreciate the ride." It would have been easy to just say 'Thanks' and pocket the money, but there's that simple Golden Rule. The right thing to do was not complicated. I showed the lady the two fives and asked "Did you mean to do that?" She realized what she did and took back the five, replacing it with two ones. Being good cost me three dollars in that instance. Over the course of your life, being like Jesus will cost you thousands of dollars. Emulating Jesus in a capitalist country is tough. The goal of capitalism is to make as much money as you can, and this often means taking money unjustly from others. People complain about money all the time, and Jesus said "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's." I don't hear a lot of Christians taking that perspective when it comes to their money around April 15.

Ultimately, living like Jesus is much more difficult than worshipping him. Christians are very thankful that their sins are forgiven on a weekly basis, but it's very likely they will continue to commit the very same sins. America is very religious and very political. They have blind faith in an age-old story and staunch views on when life begins and death should occur. They are very adamant about their faith and very adamant about using this faith to push their ideas. What's up, Mr. President? Did God really tell you to go to war? According to The Golden Rule, going to war and killing others invites them to go to war and kill your people. Hey, isn't that what's happening?

Try living a good simple life instead and not bashing those who do not. Try being an unknown martyr. Try being Christ-like, and not Christian. It's not easy, but there is a simple and rewarding peace that occurs every time you follow The Golden Rule. It's not hard once you start.

Deep down, I believe The Bible is fiction. The tales have been passed down through the ages, having been revised and edited depending on certain beliefs of the time, but the core message is what's important. I hold Jesus in the same light as Huckleberry Finn, Atticus Finch, Randle P. McMurphy and Yossarian. I've got a hard-on 4 all those guys, but since it's Easter time, let's give Jesus his props. If we all took his simple advice in The Gospels, there would be a lot less poverty, hunger, violence, racism, greed and hatred in the world.

Chris Jungle does not expect to rise on the third day after his death.