It used to be so simple. You put a quarter in the machine, grabbed onto the joystick, mastered a couple buttons to shoot, stab and jab, and see how far it could take you. Many a dollar did I spend in the video arcades as a child. The dark rooms pulsed with dozens of screens flashing and buzzing in hopes of a little attention. I played all kinds of games: Ms. Pac Man, Galaga, Karate Champ, Rushin' Attack, Gyruss, Gauntlet, Techmo Bowl, Alien Syndrome, Pole Position, Tron, Donkey Kong, Spy Hunter, Rampage, and on and on and on. If the game looked halfway decent or I saw someone kick some video ass, I'd drop in a quarter and see what I could do.

Those days are long gone. Last weekend, I sat in a club while my cousin did his thing as Gothic DJ Dr. Yannis. Televisions, which seem to be mandatory in bars these days, hyped that people could play one of the new games Halo 2 while drinking. I thought it was a strange gimmick, considering that most people who played video games obsessively didn't go out on Saturday nights. That didn't stop the lady sitting at the table next to me from trying. She didn't know how to play the game and asked me if I'd like to try. She couldn't get the game to do anything.

I figured I'd test out my video knowledge and see if I could help her out. The game controller had two thumb joysticks, four buttons on the right side, two smaller buttons in the middle, two wide buttons around the rim and two triggers underneath. I pushed every combination of the buttons I could think of, I worked the joystick, I tried to shoot. The only thing that successfully worked was one of the thumb joysticks, which allowed me to turn left or right. I couldn't walk, I couldn't fly, I couldn't shoot. This was the introduction to the game, and I couldn't even shoot my gun. The video game world is officially beyond me.

It's not like no one knows what to do. Video games are a huge business. Play stations and the like cost $100-$200, and each game runs bout $50. You can rent, trade or buy games. Every boy wants one for Christmas, and they want games rated M (for Mature) like Halo 2.

My intelligent Mom was adamant about not having game systems in the house when I was a child. No Atari, no Nintendo 12K, no Sega. This is one of the main reasons I took solace in the neighborhood arcade. Unfortunately, as the popularity of home gaming systems rose, no one wanted to drop a quarter at the arcade anymore. They stayed at home. When I got my driver's license, I weaned myself of my arcade junkie tendencies. I needed the money for my gas guzzling Luxury Lemans. Other addictions followed, but let's stick to video games, shall we?

As I stayed away from games, the entire video game industry evolved. Mortal Combat (a glorified version of Karate Champ) brought the gore into the game. Beat people up and rip out their hearts. That's cool. Guys like to blow up stuff, and the games got more realistic. Parents who bought their kids these systems demanded ratings for the games. Grand Theft Auto became a classic: steal cars and create havoc. Every action movie has video game compliment. Laura Croft makes little boys fantasize about an animated super girl.

If you want me to say video games are evil, I won't. We all need some down time from thinking. Escaping into a video game is a good way to veg out after a long hard day. If you want me to say video games are the shit, I won't. I've seen people spend entire days in front of the computer or television screen, getting sucked deeper into mental oblivion, accomplishing nothing.

Video games are a drug, pure and simple. You can get a quick fix for ten minutes or get strung out for days trying to complete the quest. When I ran out of quarters as a kid, I knew it was time to go. Now, you can play all day and night, and the pusher don't care if you live or die.

As I handed the Halo 2 controller back to the girl, I shrugged my shoulders and threw up my hands. It's beyond me. The video games these days are beyond me. All I wanted to do was blow some things up, kill some evil, or show off some kick ass flying maneuvers. I couldn't even walk. I still play some solitaire on the computer or a game of asteroids, but that's about it these days. Video games are now like running into old girlfriends: they look some what familiar, modified for the modern age, but I don't know how to make the game controller do anything I want.

Game Over. Please deposit 25 cents to continue. 10...9...8...7...6...

Chris Jungle sure plays a mean pin ball.