Welcome to the wild and wacky world of disaster relief. Do I hear $10,000? Ten, right here up front! Do I hear fifteen? Fifteen by the lady in the pretty blue hat. Not to be outdone. Don't be outdone. People are outdoing. Nations are outdoing. Do I hear three-fitty? Three-fitty by the United States of America! Who can top the greatest nation in the world? Anybody? Japan! Do hear Japan? Yes. Germany! Germany, you've got yourself a gold star. Do I hear more? Come on people, it all goes to a good cause. Right? Who's with me? Anyone? Anyone?

Is it just me, or have we gotten a little competitive with our donations? It's some strange tax break donation to benefit a disaster on the other side of the world. A tragedy, yes. 150,000 people dead. Horrific, yes. Donations in the millions. Why? In typical disaster flair, we throw money at the problem and throw boxes of supplies out of a helicopter. Problem solved, right? Um, what problem are we solving?

To recap, the Earth cracked, causing a tremendous earthquake in the Indian Ocean. In the domino effect, a disastrous tsunami came tumbling toward the beach borders of several Southeast Asian countries. A tremendous natural disaster occurred, but it's a familiar story.

It reminds me of the old fable of the Seven Chinese Brothers. One of the brothers could hold the entire ocean in his mouth while a little boy ran around grabbing all the fish. After holding the ocean for awhile, the brother motioned for the kid to go to safety, but the boy kept right on grabbing fish. When he could hold it no longer, the Chinese brother let the ocean back, and the little boy drowned. The rest of the story is how the other brothers used their special powers to save their condemned brother for killing the little boy.

Tsunami have been around for years. Why did no one know the signs? Did no one read that fable but me, or was the metaphor too complex? I'm not talking about the need for some early warning weather pattern gizmo. For people who had lived near the ocean for years, no one saw the signs that the ocean might be brewing for something serious. NO ONE! Didn't anyone know the old saying 'The ocean gives back what it takes?' What does that say about humans being in touch with their environment? How much money can we donate to get back in touch with nature? How much to coexist in harmony with the rest of the Earth and god's creations. 500 million? A billion? No, no. Let's not think about it. Put an extra twenty in the collection plate. There, I feel better.

We give millions to people we see on the news but scoff at giving a bum a dollar. Many of the people in Indonesia killed in the tsunami and its aftermath lived in what we consider poverty. Many Americans live in some sort of poverty. The stories are equally tragic. Why do we take action when the television tells us? Two decades ago, Sally Struthers told us to feed poor Africans. What happened to all those Africans? What did we fix?

Our government is spending HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS of dollars to destroy a chunk of the world called Iraq, and THREE HUNDRED FIFTY MILLION dollars to fix Indonesia and its neighbors. Entire towns have been razed by our unnatural disaster called War. I don't have the numbers (uh, conveniently, no one has the numbers), but I'd wager 150,000 lives have been lost or wounded by our liberation of their country. A tragedy, yes. Horrific, yes. Where is the disaster aid to recover from the man-made tsunami called the American Armed Forces? That disaster is on the news every night, yet we don't feel the need to donate. Destroy one part of the Earth with billions of dollars, and give millions to save another part. We sure do put the hip in hypocrisy. Where have you gone, Sandra Bullock? A war torn nation turns its lonely eyes to you, woo woo woo.

I understand that people want to do something in a natural disaster. They want to help. They can't bare to sit by, watch the carnage on their televisions, and do nothing. They write a check to an organization and feel gratified. Now, they can watch their TV without any guilt.

I'm going to tell you what I told my grandmother when I found out she was writing checks to national organizations like Republican Party. "Grandma, if you really want to donate money, do it in your own town and your own community. People need assistance right there in your own neighborhood. You might even see the effects of your donation."

I'm proud to say she took my advice. Will you?

Chris Jungle gives a damn every day.