My brain is melting in the heat. I'm finding it hard to figure out which way is up and which way is down. Time to go over a few fundamentals...

Karl Rove? Bad. Very bad.

Lewis Libby? Very bad.

Libby Lewis? Who's that?

John Roberts? Bad. No, good. No...well...um, I dunno.

The Prez? Adrift, askance, awash in scandal and a war without end (amen).

The Royals? Very, very bad. Or maybe not. Maybe just very bad. Hard to say.

Lance Armstrong? Good. Great. Imperious, but awesome. Something like that.

Tiger Woods? See above, adding to it "rich enough to buy both Florida Major League Baseball teams." Not that he'd want to, of course.

The heat? Execrable. Above average highs (and lows!) for the entire month of July. The worst heat wave in 15 years. This is--and I mean it--worse than Florida.

Bombs in London? Horrific.

Bombs in Egypt? Ditto.

Bombs in movie theaters? Too many to count.

The last Star Wars movie? Not bad. Not good, but not bad.

Hayden Christiansen in Star Wars movies? Very, very bad.

Hayden Christiansen in Shattered Glass? Very, very good.

Jude Law and the nanny? Naughty.

"The Nanny" (Fran Drescher) and her new TV show? Not good. Not even bad enough to be naughty.

Naughty by Nature? Still awful, but playing a free concert in downtown Raleigh next month.

A proposed N.C. state law exempting real estate developers from paying property tax? Appalling.

An attempt to exempt any property owned jointly by any couple with the last names of Barrett and Worley from paying property tax? Dead on arrival.

Our first attempt to refinance our house? Bad.

Our second attempt to refinance our house? Good.

The chances that our porch will soon look like it just might make it through the winter? Good.

The chances I'll be able to buy some Chimay in my own state this year? Good. Not-so-good. Okay. Good. Bad. Good again. Aaargh! Bad! Bad! Bad! Okay, maybe good.

Sam? Two teeth in two weeks turns jolly baby into howler monkey.

Max? Howling baby brother turns sparkly three-year-old into raging bull.

Their daddy? You make the call.

It's so hot that Jon Worley can't even make his weekly beer quota.