I've been sick since the re-election of Bush.

Really.

It starts with the tell-tale tickle in my throat. By the next morning, it's full-blown head congestion and coughing. My machine is all gummed up with crap and back firing. Explosive coughs and hacks. Never ending streams of snot and crap coming out every exit door I have.

My precious bodily fluids are all trying to escape my body at once.

At first this is all just a little annoying. It's not bad--I don't feel deathly ill or have a fever or anything. I'm a little more tired than usual, but the time change probably affected my sleep more than this cold.

I drink a lot of tea, which seems to just warm up the snot and make it flow even heavier.

I drink whiskey, which seems to cut through some of the crap. But then it just ends up agitating everything.

So I stay away from the alcohol for a few days. And nothing changes. I wake up just as sick as I was the day before. I assail my co-workers with tales of flying snot bubbles and loud hacking coughs. I try to work and then go home early. Staring at a computer screen doesn't seem to help either.

I think, well, if not drinking doesn't help, I might as well go back to drinking. The problem with this thought is it couples with the, "Everything tastes like crap, so I don't really want to eat" thought. This leads to a middle of the night run to the toilet and losing everything my stomach hasn't gotten assimilated yet.

I go into work the next morning hurting more than I have during the entire sickness ordeal. And it's probably the hangover more than the cold, so there's a little guilt involved with that, too.

The food still tastes like it's all been covered with a not-so-fine layer of 100% FDA approved Matt snot. Which is to say eating anything is almost like torture (although I'd take this torture over what we do to our prisoners of the 100 Years War on Terror--morally approved by mandate for your enjoyment). I don't know if snot has a lot of calories in it. If so, then possibly it's a carb rich diet. I don't sell it commercially, so I guess the nutritional ratings are always going to be something of a mystery.

My roommate and I go to Ragin' Shrimp on Friday for a spicy assault on the forces of slime. Hot Cajun sauce over curled crustaceans and rice. This has got to work! And in the early dawn of Saturday morning, I think I'd be feeling a lot better if my neck wasn't so sore from saying a repetitive "yes" to the rock and roll gods the night before.

In the middle of the morning coffee, however, I try to dislodge a bothersome hunk of crap in my throat. Did you know you can make yourself throw up by coughing too hard? Just something to keep in mind.

And now the kitchen sink is much cleaner than it usually is.

But I do feel there will be an end to this abundance of mucus. I don't have the sore throat anymore, just head congestion. I will take the rest of the weekend to store up energy and good vibes for the week ahead. Just as long as my body doesn't store up more snot for the wads of Kleenex ahead.

Matt Worley doesn't like what this new Bush America is doing to his body.