It's always a swirl of feelings, images and emotions, this rock and roll thing. I'm sitting here this morning trying to put it into words. Some of the problem comes from a slight hangover and being tight and stiff from working out sometime after midnight just a few hours ago. Nothing is quite clear in the morning air.

The hardest thing to do is try and remember how it was a year ago. While there have been leaps and bounds in performance since then, I can't quite remember how bad we were. It's like a selective memory continually being replaced with how we play from week to week, day to day, gig to gig.

A year ago our band bought a PA system. It was a big step. We needed to get used to singing into amplified air. And we knew there would be times when our band would have supply sound. But first off, we had to be able to hear our screams above the guitar, bass and drums.

We had big leaps and bounds after we started screaming into the PA. We got used to hearing ourselves. We realized what we needed to work on. Everything, really, but we could at least hear how our screams sounded. So, even though I know it's been a year since then, I have erased the memory of those first attempts with amplified vocals. Now, I just know when we're on and when we aren't.

There was a bit of worry about the gig last night (OK--early this morning). We knew little of the set up. The gig wasn't at one of the traditional rock and roll clubs. We thought that, maybe, Old Beans might be too much for the room.

Lately, I've been trying to figure out what other people hear in our music. What kind of music do we play? There have been a few opinions about it, which is nice. My older brother, who visited for a week in mid-June, called us a mix between Black Flag and Van Halen. Which is to say a mix between raw hardcore punk and heavily produced cock rock.

We get the punk tag quite a bit. We play fast songs, we scream a lot. We don't have a singular vocalist, we trade off (kind of Rancid style) and this makes two different types of songs. Ones where Aaron sings, and ones where Willy sings. Somehow it all comes together into a cohesive whole. I think the best thing to call it is Energetic Rock--which is a really stupid sounding genre when I think about it. Not to say we're the only band with high energy, but we have to have that energy level--otherwise this stuff doesn't work at all.

We got to last night's gig around 8 and found out we weren't going on until around midnight. Fourth band out of four. We were batting clean up. This is OK, we've done it before. The problem comes in with those four hours before the performance. How to last that long without drinking too much, and then, when it's our turn, get into the performance. Stamina is essential.

I was reading an article about this band called Hoobastank, who has a hit power ballad on the radio called "The Reason." I haven't heard the song in its entirety. I saw part of the video, but the song was, well, non-descript is my description. Anyway, these guys from L.A. don't drink much, don't do drugs and look at their band as a job. I'm assuming they really like their job, but still--a job? One of the members said their music isn't about saving rock and roll. It's called "The Reason" and there's no reason behind it at all.

But shouldn't it mean something? Shouldn't there be a sense of urgency? A bit of rebellion about something? If there's no desperation, then it's just lifestyle background music. That song they play at the prom no one remembers five minutes after it's played. I guess, if anything, we have to play Old Beans music desperately. As if all we have left is going into our songs. And yes, we may fall apart in the end, but at least we threw everything into it. Because this band is about saving our own lives as well as rock and roll.

I could go into all the things that went wrong early this morning as Old Beans played the Fourth Of July at the very beginning of the nation's birthday. That's not the point, though. Earlier on Saturday I saw Fahrenheit 9/11. I think the central point of the movie is this: there was no reason for us to go to war in Iraq--other than to make a few people a lot of money. Not really a huge patriotic rallying cry there.

There are reasons Old Beans exists. It's not just an egocentric trip, trying to reclaim some youthful credibility. We are trying to save our lives by giving a little bit of it back to the audience. We are trying to save rock and roll. We are trying to rock your socks off. The minute this band doesn't mean anything to anyone, well, I think that's when we fade into the sunset.

Matt Worley still believes it's better to burn out than to fade away--even if you're over 30.