One of those constantly-appearing medical studies said last week that people who consume 100 drinks a month suffer from the same brain damage effects of people who are alcoholics. I'm not sure how many drinks you have to drink a month to be an alcoholic, but 100 drinks seems like a lot, doesn't it?

That's a little more than 3 drinks a day, and I know I don't always drink 3 drinks a day. But there are some days I drink more. Just like the whole low carb counting calories mounting tendencies thing is absurd to me, I don't really count how much I drink.

I did take an online IQ test the other day, though. I got a 135. And this is pretty good, I think, especially since some of the scoring has to do with how long it takes to answer the questions (and I was working at the time, so I lost time dealing with, y'know, work). But it's not as good as when I was a kid. I don't know what my IQ was back then (or, actually, if anything has really changed since then--but I do feel like I know more now), but I do have a funny story about being a smart kid.

In my psychology class in high school, the teacher wanted to know if anyone knew their IQ. One of the girls who was in all of my AP or Special Widescreen Edition classes raised her hand an proudly announced her IQ was 135. This is the threshold for gifted, by the way. I think 160 is genius, but I'm not really sure what all the delineations are.

I've read Quentin Tarantino is a genius. He has a 160 IQ and does way more drugs than me, so I feel like I'm in good company. He was smart enough to have Daryl Hannah use the same death throes in Kill Bill as she did in Blade Runner. Many call this an homage. I thought it was funny.

Anyway, I asked my mom what my IQ was after Miss Smartypants declared her 135-ness. She wouldn't tell me, but when I told her about the aforementioned Smartypants' 135, my mom broke into uncontrollable laughter. I took this to mean I had a higher IQ than 135. See--I was a smart kid.

It's been at least 25 years since I first took an IQ test. I'm sure things have happened since then to change my brain. But one thing I know for sure is when one medical study claims one result, just wait a few months and another will come along saying the first study has shit for brains.

I've read many, many, many studies saying red wine helps to explain the French Paradox of rich, heavy meals, but less obesity and heart problems than are usually associated with this type of behavior. I love studies that say you should drink more of something. Gives me a good excuse.

Over the last few years I've been drinking more wine. Mostly red wine, but occasionally during the day, I'll have white wine or a Mimosa (OJ and cheap sparkling wine). Girlfriends have provided wine glasses and wine openers. I have evolved from using those openers that look like people doing jumping jacks to using this heavy duty mechanical thing that opens wine bottles with the speed of Superman. I think this means I'm getting smarter, right?

Okay, maybe not. But at least I'm not wasting as much time opening the bottles as I used to. No matter what, though, I have to have patience with wine in the long run. It must breathe and that takes time. And the intelligence to open a bottle at least 30 minutes before consumption is certainly something I learned since I was a six-year-old genius.

Matt Worley figures if he lost 25 IQ points in 25 years, by the time he dies, everything should be just about normal.