Santa still sits atop the provincial house on Ridgecrest. Apparently the Christmas season goes all the way to Easter this year. I'd leave a note for the owners, but there's no time. I've got to move and get to wherever I'm supposed to be. I've got it all written down, but I don't have time to read. I'm just hoping the car can read my mind.

The guy in the wheelchair is in front of Planned Parenthood again, holding up his baby Jesus fetus sign. I'd flip him off, but the last time I did, the guy driving the car next to me pulled his gun. And besides, it's too late. I'm already all the way to Lomas. The thought took longer to think than it took to drive by.

I know you're the head analyst for our top two clients, but could you please stop working long enough to make this graph for me? I don't have any data, my Powerpoint isn't working today, and I've got to take my daughter to the dentist.

I really like your sweater. It really sets off your...eyes.

There is a point, usually during the second bottle of wine, when I wonder if I'm too busy drinking to notice if the world is spinning faster than it did yesterday.

I need a new driver's license, to re-register my car and get an oil change. If I drive fast enough, though, maybe the cops won't notice any of this and leave me be.

Quit flirting with the cute girls, they'll only waste your time and they don't put out. Homely girls are better. They're very grateful for the attention.

You don't look a day over 26. Fuck you, I'm 32.

Over 500 US servicemen have died in Iraq since the war began. Over 100 have died in Afghanistan. In about three years. Clinton's forays into global conflict killed less than 50. In eight years. I guess Bush has been busy, too. He's much more efficient at causing American casualties than any Democratic President since Johnson.

How is it that Republican Presidents go to war (causing the death of many Americans), run up sky high deficits (causing the bankruptcy of many Americans and American companies) and this makes them more patriotic? Isn't patriotism about supporting America?

I just want to be loved. Is that so wrong?

I don't really have the time to answer that question, but I've got fifteen minutes for a non-verbal fix.

I wrote a play about all of the things that are wrong with the world, but it's 15 hours long and no theatre wants to produce it. The man is keeping me down! Shit...now the play is longer.

Michael Jackson is a pederast. Gee, that didn't take long to conclude at all. I'm finally getting ahead!

I really want to see that movie with you and discuss it afterward over a glass of wine, but there are all these other people who want me around. I didn't realize I was this important. We'll go when no one cares about me anymore.

There is a point when I think everything will stop for just a second, and inside that second I'll be able to put everything in order, so when it all starts up again (a second later), I'll be caught up. Can I fit, like, a really satisfying nap in the gap?

Formal dress? You mean, like, a with a tie and clean pants?

Someone informed us that you have three brains, five hands and an intravenous connection to the Internet. You need to use your resources better; I need this report yesterday afternoon.

Why is it all the counter girls forget how to do their job when I order?

I'd get all this fixed, but I don't have time to finish anything. All I can really do is get it moved along a little bit, push it on to the next person and hope they can understand the instructions I give them in a sign language I worked out with myself and don't have time to explain. When the clock hand goes back to moving at regular time, I'll give completion a try. The problem with finishing is that it'll be done, and I don't have time for that.

I know you just told me to go away, but I'd never make it through without you around. No, I'd never make it through without you around.

Matt Worley is working on something, but it's really hard to tell what. He'll let you know when he's worked it all out.