A strange thing happens between childhood and adulthood. Quitting goes from an evil concept to a necessity. The youth of the nation are constantly told not to quit. Public service announcements preach to not quit school, coaches scream that there is no quitting on this team, religious folk stress to never quit on God. Counselors constantly tell kids not to quit on themselves. M'kay? You have your whole life in front of you.

For the millions who somehow survive their youth, the message switches. For all those who didn't quit on themselves as children, it's now time to quit as adults. All those filthy and nasty habits we picked up in youth and young adulthood are now killing us, and it's time to quit.

A big freaking billboard in town with a butt-filled ash tray tells folks 'If at first you don't quit, quit again.' The guitarist in my band and his wife are quitting smoking cigarettes together. Again. They have done it before, and a week into their current attempt, they think this one will be the charm. Here's hoping they can pull it off to become successful quitters.

I've quit many habits and concepts over the years. Some were easy, and some were not. Some made no sense to anyone but me, but I quit them anyway. I quit taking aspirin and ibuprofen. I figure I deserve all the headaches I get. I weaned myself off fast food. It's been years since I've bought anything from McDonald's. I still occasionally get a meal at the local Lotaburgers and burrito stands, but for some reason it doesn't feel as evil. I gave up on Christianity, and thank god. That's one weird preachy cult. I quit playing video games. I was quite the quarter shooting junkie at one time. I quit fucking fat chicks. This cut down immensely on my sexual relations, but I felt better about myself. I quit buying crap I didn't need or appreciate. There is a certain charm in being a consumer minimalist.

There are still some things I do that people want me to quit. I booze it up on a consistent basis, but if there's one thing that brings me to drink, it's society. I smoke my share of marijuana, but hey, with the skyrocketing prices of prescription drugs, I'd like to think I'm low balling the greedy drug companies. I eat meat of every kind because chewing flesh is sexy. See how easy it is to rationalize any vice we do? Unless we really want to quit ourselves, it doesn't matter how many billboards, advertisements or threats from the law there are. My mind and body will ultimately tell me when it's time to quit. If those two entities steer me wrong, I guess they will quit on me.

There are the things that are morally right to quit, but they still creep up. I used to cuss up a storm, just because I could. Now, I try to be like Tennessee Williams and save my fuck lines for the potent moments. It's still a nice swear word to keep in the hip pocket. Then there's TV. Oh my God, there's always TV. To say I was juiced to the boob tube is an immense understatement. Now, I've cut out almost all programming save sporting events, movies, and "South Park." I still peek at the music and news channels, but after fifteen minutes of hoochie mamas, twenty-second terrorist warnings and bizarre fashion tips, I've gotten my fix. The warm glow still makes me feel safe though. You can see the track marks around my eyes.

I am always trying to figure out what I do that I shouldn't. What should I quit? How could I be a better person? The catch is that for everything you quit, you have to replace it with something. Those who quit smoking commonly start eating. Those who quit heroin use methadone. Those who quit sodas switch to diet sodas. Those who quit going to strip bars sit at home and watch porn. Those who quit watching TV start hearing the voices in their head. Tit for tat. One vice for another. What's right? What's wrong? Does it matter what we do or don't do? Does it really, really matter?

So there have it. For all the kids, don't quit. Keep up all those habits. You'll find out later how many of them are bad for you. For all the adults, knock it off! I can't believe you waste your life with all that bunk shit! You're killing yourself with the way you are! Quit, quitters!

It's funny how many people spout off about what's wrong with everything, but they don't take the time to shut up, change themselves and live by example. I wish they'd quit that.

Chris Jungle is still friendly with fat chicks.