Despite constant questions and considerations, Senator John McCain continues to rebuff John Kerry's request to be the Democratic Vice Presidential Candidate. There is only one logical reason why McCain is saying 'No' to his dear old friend. He's a freaking Republican! I'm surprised Kerry didn't ask Nader next. Even with millions of members nationwide, the Democrats can't seem to find one person in their own party worthy of being the Veep. Jackasses.

First off, a touch of history. The idea of having a split-party executive power is not a new idea. In fact, it is one of the oldest. In the very first days of our country, the top two vote-getters were the president and vice president. That usually meant guys from different parties. Washington (who hated political parties) and Adams (Federalist). Stick 'em in office and see what happens. Then, it was Adams and Jefferson (Democrat-Republican). Then, the country realized that didn't work. They switched to party tickets, and the Dem-Rep duo of Jefferson and Aaron Burr got into office. Turns out Burr went a little crazy, challenged Federalist Alexander Hamilton (the ten dollar bill guy) to a duel, shot him, and fled away into the night. Talk about towing the party line. Burr makes Cheney look like civic-minded grandpappy. Jefferson went with George Clinton (no, not the grandaddy of funk's great-great-great-great-great grandfather) in his re-election, and things settled down after that.

As lousy as G.W.'s presidency has been (the worst since I was born), the Democrats can't pull their heads out of their tails enough to bolster serious support for their candidate. Gore should have blown G.W. away, and instead they got a Florida finish they couldn't win. G.W. has committed so many atrocities both at home and abroad in the past four years that the facts alone should easily sway the six out of 10 Americans to vote against him regardless of who the other candidate is. Right now, it's still a dead heat. Uh, Demmies, that hole your head is planted in is called the ass of the ass.

Democrats have dozens of qualified possibilities for their Veep candidate. They could go with one of the former candidates: Edwards has the nice guy angle, Dean has the firebrand trash talker stance, and Clark, Gephardt, and Kucinich could, um, they could, eh heh heh, never mind. You've got some governor-types. New Mexico's Bill Richardson is at the head of that list, both Hispanic and major party power player. They have Reps and Senators in Congress. Insiders, outsiders, all races, both genders, and if the party has any balls at all, they will take the Jungle's endorsement very seriously. I've got two words for you: Hillary Clinton.

That's right. It takes some balls to pick a woman, but if anything is time-tested, it's that Clinton beats Bush. All these mamby-pamby, poopie woopie attempts to sway Republicans to vote Democrats need to stop. Republicans either vote Republican, or they don't vote at all. What Democrats have to do is get out that massive yet lazy Democratic vote, and the Clintons are old pros at that.

Not only is Hillary Clinton intelligent, attractive and rational, she's also a woman. You want the woman vote. There it is. In our country of equality, we have never had woman elected to the vice presidency in our 228 years. You want some history in this election. There you go. You want someone who has endured and survived the Republican propaganda machine, it's Senator Clinton. You want to stick an Aaron Burr way up that GOP elephant hiney, all you have to do is say the word Clinton.

Can you imagine the Vice Presidential debate? Clinton and Cheney, head-to-head, no holds barred. It might get better ratings than the Kerry-Bush debates. If anything, it won't be a repeat of the pussy politeness of Liebermann-Cheney. I'd never seen two Veep candidates pat each other on the back more than those two insiders. It's been 16 years since the veep debate had any sort of fire power. Remember when Lloyd Benson told Dan Quayle he was no John F. Kennedy? That was cool.

I'm not saying putting Hillary Clinton on the ticket will guarantee a Kerry victory, but if Democrats want take back the White House, they might as well take a chance with someone who's already been there. If you want the presidency, you have to fight for it with the best and brightest in your own party. Sorry I have to be this way, but someone needs to tell those jackasses what's what before it's too late.

Chris Jungle wants to keep his governor in New Mexico for a while.