Setting: Inside an Iraqi prison at the beginning of 2004. Two Army reserve guards, CLEETUS and COOTER, sit and wait.

CLEETUS: I'm bored.
COOTER: Me too. How long's this war supposed to last?
CLEETUS: Not sure. A while, I guess.
COOTER: How long 'til we get to go home?
CLEETUS: Don't know. They keep changing orders.
COOTER: I can't wait to get back home.
CLEETUS: That makes two of us. What you gonna do when you get back?
COOTER: Get all liquored up and raise hell.
CLEETUS: You said it, Cooter. Gonna find me a cute little bush and ride her 'til she's broke in two!
COOTER: Oh man, what I wouldn't give for a little tail. There's no hookers in the Raq.
CLEETUS: Tell me about it. Chicks around here wear so much clothing that I can't tell if they even have titties.
COOTER: I miss titties.
CLEETUS: Me too.

Army sergeant ENIS comes in with a message and a digital camera.

ENIS: Private Cleetus! Private Cooter!

Privates snap to attention.

CLEETUS & COOTER: Sir, yes sir!
ENIS: New orders from headquarters. You screw this up and you'll be in the cells with the Raqs. Do you get me?
CLEETUS & COOTER: We get you sir!
ENIS: Very good. Now get to it!
CLEETUS & COOTER: Sir, yes sir!

Sergeant Enis exits. Cleetus opens the message and hands the digital camera to Cooter. Cleetus stands in silence after reading the message.

COOTER: What's it say?
CLEETUS: Says we got to buttfuck the Raq prisoners.
COOTER: Buttfuck the dust bunnies? What for?
CLEETUS: To get information.
COOTER: We don't speak no Raqi. How're we gonna know what they're saying?
CLEETUS: You can tell. It's not what they say, but how they say it.
COOTER: But I ain't never buttfucked no guy before.
CLEETUS: Just chicks?
COOTER: Well, not exactly.
CLEETUS: What you mean?
COOTER: Well, she was a chick, but not a real chick.
CLEETUS: What you mean?
COOTER: Well, the only buttfucking I done was with my hog, Sasha. We was celebrating her blue ribbon at the county fair.
CLEETUS: You fucked your hog!
COOTER: Yep. Fucked her and sold her for a thousand dollars. That was a fine weekend.
CLEETUS: Well, I'll be a cock-a-doodle doo. I've stuck my pole in damn near everything, but I ain't never got a hold of no pig. Slippery fuckers.
COOTER: Yeah, they got to trust you. So how do I buttfuck a Raq?
CLEETUS: It's real simple. Just pretend it's Sasha and ride that first prize ass. They give you any trouble, just punch 'em in the kidneys. We're supposed to do it just like a prison in America.
COOTER: Oh, I get it. Teach 'em how we do it back home.
CLEETUS: It's the only way they'll learn.
COOTER: So what's the camera for?
CLEETUS: Sergeant wants complete documentation.
COOTER: Cleetus, this don't mean we're fags, do it?
CLEETUS: Hell no! This is war, and these are orders from headquarters.
COOTER: Guess that means we gotta do it. Well, what the hell. Ain't no action in this backwards country anyway. You ready?
CLEETUS: You know it. Hey, keep a copy of them pictures . We'll show 'em to the folks back home.
COOTER: No shit. They won't believe their eyes.

Cooter and Cleetus walk off laughing to the cell block.

Chris Jungle has never been to war or prison.