Does anyone remember the election of 2000? You know, where the Prez claimed that his goal was to bring Democrats and Republicans together for a few rounds of "Kum Ba Yah?" That, if elected, he would put forth plans and ideas that would pull Americans closer to each other and not push them apart?

Oh sure, in the next breath he'd often toss off dung bombs accusing Al Gore of committing "class warfare," but his stated goal of bipartisanship is what seemed to resonate most with the swing voters--the people who put the Prez in office.

And where is the great "unificator" now? Pissing in the wind. His veep, creepy Dick, wandered down to the Senate floor last week and told Sen. Pat Leahy of Vermont either to "fuck off" or "go fuck yourself" (given creepy Dick's tendency to mumble, the confusion is understandable). And then there's that charming web video e-mailed to 6 million Republicans that intersperses images of Hitler with those of Al Gore, Dick Gephardt, Michael Moore and, of course, John Kerry.

An amended version of the video (which, because it will never be broadcast on TV, doesn't contain the now-familiar "My name is George W. Bush, and I authorized this message") now explains that the Hitler footage comes from a MoveOn.org commercial, and thus justifies its use now as an example of what Kerry supporters are doing.

Which is true. Sort of. The MoveOn "commercial" was part of a contest to create homemade campaign ads for the then presumptive Democratic nominee--Howard Dean. All videos were uploaded by the creators, not the web site, and when MoveOn found out about the ad, it removed the video from its site and apologized. Which is a far cry from how the Prez and his pals operate.

Whatever. Even with his veep proving his manhood by cussing on the Senate floor, it's been a bad week for the Prez. Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 was the top-grossing movie over the weekend (though White Chicks, which opened on Wednesday, has a slight edge for the entire week), grabbing nearly $22 million (an astonishing $25,000+ per screen). It's been more than a decade since a movie showing on fewer than 1,000 screens has topped the weekend box office. Then there are the million or so folks who shelled out big bucks to buy Bill Clinton's doorstop memoir, My Life. Chances are most of them won't be voting for the Prez this fall, either.

Some will argue that it would be pretty tough for any president to stand true to any sense of bipartisanship in such circumstances. But come on. A movie and a book? Even before Clinton took office, critics were filling the airwaves and bookstores with screeds against him. He still managed to push through a number of bipartisan measures--and let's not forget that polls at the time of the 2000 election showed that he would have handily defeated Bush or Gore--blue dress, cigar and all. It doesn't matter how many toilets Elvis falls off; people still love the ol' galoot. And part of that affection came from his willingness to work with people who opposed him--in a few cases, even those who voted for his impeachment and removal from office.

Was Bill Clinton perfect? Not by a long shot. But he understood the basic lesson of Ronald Reagan's presidency: Accomplish what you can and declare victory. Reagan also changed course more often than he "stayed true to his beliefs." After all, he signed the 1986 bill which rolled back much of his vaunted tax cuts, and he pulled the Marines out of Beirut after the bombing of their barracks. That sort of corrective action isn't "cutting and running;" it's statesmanship.

I know, the Prez put aside any notion of bipartisanship that night in December 2000 when he accepted Al Gore's concession on the floor of the Texas legislature. And all that post-9/11 nonsense equating his opponents with terrorists...well, I suppose that sealed the deal. Still, it would be nice to be talking about substantial issues this summer and fall and not red herrings like National Guard service and who first compared whom to Hitler.

But, see, maybe all that chaff is the real strategy. After all, the Prez is running as The War Prez. And the war he's run has been a spectacular disaster. Sure, we got the bad guy. But now we've managed to get the bad guy's enemies to start shooting at us. And we don't know how to make them stop. That's a problem.

At this rate, the Prez will be calling Kerry the antichrist by election day, and Kerry will likely be calling the Prez things like Nero or running dog. A truly pitiful state of affairs. America, home of the liars and traitors, frauds and terrorists. Maybe the best present our nation could receive next weekend would be a return to the days when the worst names politicians would call each other was "bum" and "bastard."

Of course, back then our elected representatives tried to kill each other every once in a while. Maybe all this vulgarity is simply a harmless release of pressure. You know, like the part of GWAR shows where a menstruating hellion rammed a phallus up the Pope's ass and lopped off his head.

Or something like that.

Jon Worley is glad he lives in a state where the Prez thinks a 5-point lead in the polls is a lead-pipe cinch.