Cover up Janet Jackson! Watch the language! Keep gays from getting married! If you've been paying any attention to the news media (mainstream and conservative alike), you'd believe that these are conservative crusades intended to clean up the "coarseness" of our culture. But they're not. They're crusades of the old against the young, and nothing more than that.

Similar battles have been fought since, well, the dawn of recorded history. Throughout time, kings and queens and presidents and emperors and so on have inveighed against the "decline" of culture as evidenced by the behavior of the young.

I can already hear the protests. "Okay, Jon, I'll give you Janet Jackson and the five-second delay. Those are some old fogies pushing those buttons. But c'mon, man, all conservatives hate gays!"

Not true. The young conservatives I know (a small sample, but still) generally support gay marriage and gay rights in general. And libertarians--the ones who practice what they preach, anyway--are solidly in the gay marriage camp as well.

During the last couple of weeks, I've read a number of polls taken on the gay marriage issue. The overall results aren't surprising. About 40 to 45 percent of folks want to outlaw gay marriage, some 20 to 30 percent are in favor and the rest of the folks believe that civil unions are the right way to go. Those general numbers are right about where they've been for some time. But the polls get interesting when the answers are separated by age. The percentage of people under the age of 30 who favor gay marriage is somewhere between 70 and 80 percent. Most of the rest favor civil unions, with those opposed relegated to single digits. Even young people who identify themselves as "evangelical" or "Christian conservative" favor gay marriage, though by somewhat less dramatic margins. Go above the age of 40, and the numbers flip-flop.

"Old folks," in general, just aren't comfortable with the idea of homosexuality. They don't want to have to think about the possibility that those longtime "roommates" are really lovers. The infamous "ick" factor is at work here. For a variety of reasons, most "old folks" were taught that being gay is bad--if not evil--and that they should never even discuss such things. There are some "old folks," my parents among them, who managed to break out of their upbringing and come to the understanding that being gay or lesbian is just another facet of a given person's existence. But they're the exceptions, not the rule.

On the other hand, the popular culture of the last 30 years or so has increasingly embraced homosexuality, and we can now see the results of that cultural shift in the way the kids and young adults of today handle the issue. The conservatives who rant about a "liberal" bias missed the boat. The news is irrelevant. Entertainment is the only major front in the culture wars. And entertainment has been pro-gay for a long time. I'm not talking about "Queer Eye." I'm talking about disco, Boy George and pop music in general, a multitude of movies with sympathetic gay or lesbian characters, "Ellen" (TV show and person), and plenty more. There have been very few instances in the past couple of decades where pop culture has come down on someone simply for being homosexual. The message, most of the time, has been one of tolerance and understanding. This makes perfect sense, of course, which is one of the reasons why kids lapped it up so completely.

I don't think a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage will be introduced into Congress, much less pass both houses by a 2/3 majority and be sent on to the states. The Prez may be yelping about just such a thing, but I doubt he really wants an amendment to be debated as we approach the election. Like most politicians, he'd be relieved if the issue dropped off the radar before the election. It won't, but there's just no way such a measure could actually pass.

And what if I'm wrong, and such an amendment did pass? Well, it would be doomed to the same fate as the Volstead Act, which ushered in Prohibition. After a few years--after the kids of today become the movers and shakers in this country--the amendment would be repealed. The demographics on this are quite clear: The young don't have a hangup about homosexuality.

I'm getting to the age and station in life where I'm more "the man" than "hey, man." This is the time when I'm supposed to start saying "Turn off that dreadful music!" and "When I was young, we had good movies." Maybe I do think a lot of popular music is dreadful, and I'm damned sure there hasn't been a coming-of-age movie since Heathers or Pump Up the Volume. That doesn't matter. I also recall really liking the Cutting Crew and The Apple Dumpling Gang--though not at the same time. Kids are unfinished people, and you've got to give them the chance figure out who they are. Even if that means letting them buy an album by Avril Lavigne or 50 Cent or whoever.

When I was younger, I always thought adults underestimated young people. You know what? I still do. All the critics who are bemoaning the supposed "increasing" coarseness of our culture are missing the point. Culture is changing. It always has changed and it always will. When I look back on the culture espoused by the older generations, I see bigotry, denial and paranoia. Can't get much coarser than that. On the other hand, I see the culture of the future as tolerant, open and somewhat less neurotic.

Of course, I have a feeling I'll always be more sympathetic to the causes of the young. That's where the new ideas are. The "old folks" trying to shut 'em down are expending all their energy trying to stop progress, the one perpetual motion machine known to mankind. It's a futile task, of course, and no matter how much the "old folks" whine, we're not going back. We're just not.

Jon Worley always wanted to be a professional rabble rouser.