Sometimes we are an ugly country.

We snarl and bitch and bark and drool and spit.

We shake our fists, raise our flags, honk our horns and stomp our feet.

We lie, cheat and steal--then tell everyone to think about what Jesus would do because it's Easter.

We are the worst a man can be at times, but the best when the need arises.

We airlift "humanitarian" aid for the zoo animals, but prevent the humanitarian agencies from landing and helping actual humans.

We believe beating David and his slingshot with our Goliath of a military validates our "Might Is Right" doctrine.

We suppress the rights of our own people in the name of patriotism, but "liberate" citizens of another country in the name of freedom.

It's hard, sometimes, to be an American. It wears me down, because I have no excuse. I've only been out of this country for a matter of hours--I am so American it bleeds through my skin. But I can't help but feel we're going in the wrong direction. Learning the wrong lessons from the wrong actions.

I wonder how we've come so far in just a few short years. When the clock turned to year 2000, we were on such a high. We were number one, not because we beat the shit out of other countries, but because we'd given everyone who wanted a job something to do. It was like the New Deal, except it was the New Economy. Of course, maybe that was the first lie.

The great New Economy was built on vapor. Profits were taken by a few corrupt heads of a few corrupt companies, and then the looted companies were allowed to fall into the crapper. We can't seem to find a way to prosecute these people, either. Jails are being filled by desperate people stealing handfuls of cash, while those who stole truckloads are protected by their stolen wealth and powerful friends.

Millions of Americans have lost jobs in the last three years, and many of them are still unemployed. The people running our country seem to think cutting taxes will fix this. Of course, those people who don't have a job don't have to pay taxes--unless they're paying taxes because of unemployment benefits. How does this help? If the ultra-rich are the ones who stole the profits during the late 90s, why would they be inclined to help us out now? Their conscience was obliterated years ago, if they ever had one at all.

And now, thanks to the President who got elected and maneuvered into office by the same people who stole all that fake money, we are the bullies of the world. Just like schoolyard bullies, we will not learn from our actions until we get bitchslapped back. And we don't seem to understand that no one cries when the bullies get their comeuppance. They laugh, because they never got to laugh at the bully before. They always had to run for cower.

I am a part of this because I am an American. I can't expatriate myself--I don't want to. I can't say "they," because I paid my taxes this year. I funded this. When you pay your taxes, you are--whether you like it or not--supporting whatever the government decides to do with the money. I am part of the ugliness, and I am ashamed.

Part of me thinks I'm not the only one with his head in his hands. Part of me believes this president has done so much damage to our country's reputation that the people like me won't be able to stand by and give him more time in office.

But part of me can see the same thing happening in 2004 that happened in 2000. And our own terror campaign will continue.

I have no confidence in our government. I don't believe they even know what the common citizen of the United States looks like. I don't think they know how to do the right thing. I don't think they will clean up the mess they made. In a few years, many will wonder why we did what we did in the Middle East. And we will have no decent answer.

When we're lined up against the wall, we will have no excuse. We'll have to take our medicine and bite our tongue. Because that's what our government wants from us: silence and compliance.

Matt Worley never believed the lies. Well, not all of them anyway.