In Douglas Adams' Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Galaxy, a bartender on Earth is told the world will be ending in a few minutes. He wonders if there is anything to do. Of course, there isn't. But couldn't he get under the bar or put a paper bag over his head? Sure. Whatever he wants to do. It won't help. The world is going to end no matter what.

And it does. The paper bag doesn't stop a damn thing.

In Asia, surgical mask chic has hit the population. You aren't anyone if you don't have a surgical mask over your nose and mouth when you're out in public. SARS, which stands for something about dying very quickly from a respiratory problem, is scaring the hell out of the Eastern world. A mutated form of the flu, possibly "created" from conditions in China where farm animals and people are a little bit too close, it is resistant to our best drugs. It doesn't kill everyone who gets it, but the odds aren't too good at the moment.

Steven King wrote a novel called The Stand a few decades ago. It was his most revered novel until it was turned into a TV movie. And then it wasn't as cool anymore. I don't know what it is about TV movies that makes a literary work less relevant, but this small screen version certainly made the whole story kind of silly. Probably all of the religious aspects of the story. The devil lives in Las Vegas. Jesus lives in Boulder. They fight for the soul of humanity. That kind of thing. But the reason for all of the apocalyptic proselytizing is a killer strain of the flu, created in U.S. military installations (chemical warfare division) which then gets out and kills 99% of the population.

It's good that a lot of people are trying to kill off this bug before it gets to everyone. An extreme version of the flu resistant to antibiotics would be bad in the general population. Think about how many people get the flu or colds in the U.S. every year. Almost everyone. I didn't get a cold this winter, but it was a very mild winter around here. Usually I have a miserable few days or so when I can't get my nose to stop running. Everyone could get this thing.

We, as a population, are very susceptible to anything different from the ordinary. Our lives have been set up to run smoothly as long as everything happens as usual. On schedule. Without interruption. Interruption causes panic and chaos. Although, to be honest, we cope with catastrophic things pretty well--as long as it doesn't happen every day.

Homeland Security is based on this principle, actually. The assumption that anything out of the ordinary is wrong, bad and must be stopped or everything will go to hell. Homeland Security is all about maintaining the status quo. In other words, change is bad.

For a long time now, people have been talking about the overuse of anti-bacterial drugs. Eventually there will be diseases that have figured out how to beat our drugs, and then we'll be up shit creek.

I'm not saying everyone needs to go get a paddle, but I don't think it's going to get better. We might not kill ourselves by blowing up each other, we might do it by being too clean.

I don't know what to do about SARS. I'm not a doctor. Although I do suspect the surgical mask thing probably has about as much effect as ducking and covering when a nuclear bomb goes off.

I do know I'm not really worried. For one thing, if it's going to come here and start killing everyone, well, what can I do? Not breathe?

And while much of the world is concentrated on the images of looting Iraqis reveling in new couches and fresh medical supplies, there is a more dire situation happening a quarter of the way around the globe from there.

Since the war is over (It is, right? Everyone seems to think so...), our nation will have to turn its attention to something else. We do get bored so easily. A new threat (that bombs won't help with, even!) to our existence is just waiting for equal screen time.

Matt Worley wants to know how to kiss with a surgical mask on.