I can't think today. It's like pushing through molasses in fishing boots. After a couple of steps, I can't move at all. And I have to rest. I only have a few feet to go, but for some reason, I never seem to get any closer to the end.

What do you do with a war that isn't really a war? An international excursion into the heart of darkness. Obviously we haven't learned from our past mistakes. Instead of admitting that all we've really done is beat up on tribal leaders of a backwards nation of fundamentalist Muslims, we're escalating. We're naming more countries we'd like to beat up on. We have to beat up on more countries because The Prez just allocated a few trillion dollars to the military in his budget. If we're gonna spend the money, we might as well beat up on other countries the size of Texas.

Did we fix social security? No. Did we fix the education system? No. Did we create national health care? We didn't even talk about it.

A bill was introduced to make all young men ages 18-22 have to serve in the military (not a draft--all young men would have to serve, although young women could volunteer if they want). Do we really need that many young men brainwashed into flag-waving, gun-toting militants? This most likely won't pass, but it's a little scary to think that someone thought it was a good idea.

The molasses is turning into cement. Every time I step up, my foot doesn't even move. My brain is hardening and it feels like the end of Terminator 2 where the morphing Terminator starts sticking to all of the metal.

Everyone in the state is sick. I'm not sure if it's because we have had a rather mild winter (and all the bugs are out in force) or if we're doing a weird flu circle jerk, never getting away from the bug long enough for it to leave.

Sweat falls off the forehead in beads, and I'm reminded of all those stories about the olden days were people would die off from severe colds. Or the chronically sick, who lay about in bed all day. Sometimes they throw all the covers off because it's too hot or wrap up in every comforter available because they're too cold. It's like a wave, it's like a glass of orange juice.

The state of the union is...I don't really know. I thought about watching it. Thought about maybe finding out what The Prez really thought he's done in the last year and what he wants to do. I'm glad I just watched Buffy and skipped the whole ordeal. Apparently there is an axis of evil in the world. Or maybe there are a few countries that don't agree with the U.S. wanting to put a McDonald's on every street corner. We are a country without a central ideology because we say everyone can believe what they want (this is what we call freedom). Of course, this right does not extend to those who don't live here. You have to be a citizen of the U.S. to enjoy this freedom. Of course, if you're a citizen and you don't believe in The Prez, then you are suspect, too.

Maybe it's because I haven't really seen a change in my life that is directly affected by last September, except that we sing more patriotic songs before sports games now. I'm still in the same job. I still run close to the same routine as before. A few things change. Different faces, different bodies, different hands move across mine.

So where do we go from here?

The government is committed to fighting this thing (whatever or whoever it is) for a while. We're gonna be fighting until we can't find a good reason to fight anymore. And, sadly, I don't think it'll really change anything fundamentally. We cannot protect ourselves from the insane. History will repeat itself, and then we'll all wonder why we couldn't stop it.

I feel like there should be an end. The molasses is beginning to break and soon there will be answers, antibiotics and cough syrup. Maybe the end will be quick, and I won't have to worry so much about it.

Matt Worley hurts.