I woke up at 4:30 a.m. on Wednesday to discover America had a Republican House, Senate and President for the first time in my voting years. With less than half the registered voters in my state casting ballots, it was not surprising to see the Republicans steamrolling into dominance. By the end of the day, I had conceded that I should pick up an extra shift of driving on Friday. Why? I needed shoes, booze and underwear.

Almost every Republican I've spoken with lately, both young and old, claims allegiance to their party for the same batch of reasons. They stress self-reliance, no one gets a handout, you get to keep what you earn and so forth. Here we are at the beginning of the 21st Century, and America is officially out for itself again. The President wants to bomb Iraq and create Homeland Security, and the UN gave into his demands. Sorry, Saddam. It's going to get ugly for you, and I imagine it will uglier for everyone.

In fact, people always get uglier when the Republicans are in power. During the Reagan and Bush Sr. years, everyone was out for themselves. America overspent their means, coke heads became pop culture cliches, my parents tried to build a monstrosity of a house in the middle of nowhere, and it was all about getting ahead in spite of your fellow man. Clinton came in, and there was enough money to go around for everybody. We couldn't blow our money quick enough on SUVs, wacky gadgets and five course dinners. All the girls looked cuter and guys would shake your hand regardless of who you were or where you came from.

Now that Bush Jr. is power and terror is a catch phrase, America has gotten ugly again. Everyone has reverted back to their defense systems. The Republicans may preach self-reliance, but it's more like Trust No One. There is a lack of ingenuity and creativity in the air. We are all on our own. The girls look sinister and self-centered. The boys take every comment as a threat to their own well being. It's a Republican America, and we are creating the grand pecking order once again.

I must admit that the Republican dominance has made me look at my life and figure out what I need the most. My old underwear has worn thin and the seams split to the point that they don't actually serve any practical purpose. My shoes have lost that initial tread, and every day is a day closer to the sole falling off. And most importantly in a self-reliant Republican America, I check to see how many spirits I have on hand. In lieu of trying to get ahead in a Bushy USA, I think I'll sit at the side of the road and numb myself to the war, terror and ladder climbing. You may think that's an ugly way to look at the future, but did I mention that everyone looks less attractive nowadays?

So the real question this column is raising is what do you really need to get your through the winter this year? If your plan is to open your hand for some free kindness or latch onto a friendly face, it's time for a new plan. We are all on our own this Christmas season. We've got a never-ending war on terror to pay for, we've a security agency to pay for, the coffers of Wall Street have been cleaned out, the beauty shop makeovers leave a glossy plastic film on your face, you're breaking up on your cell phone, evil is rising from the depths of the streets, Bukowski stories make sense again, prescription drugs will still cost more than most old people can afford and it's going to be a cold, cold winter. How are your shoes? How's your stock of booze? How clean is your underwear?

Stock up America, and the sooner the better. As for me, I humped and hustled my way through a 13-hour shift on Friday, making that extra cash the Republicans recommend I get for myself. By the end of Saturday, I had a new pair of authentic red Converse Chuck Taylor All-Stars, three pairs of Jockey briefs and a pair of Jockey boxers, a fifth of Glenfiddich Scotch, a 12-pack of Pete's Wicked Ale and six pack of Barney Flats Oatmeal Stout.

I didn't vote for any of the Republicans now touting their power, but I am getting ready for the next two years of their version of America.

Chris Jungle has priorities like no other.