A year and a half ago, my brother had his jaw broken to fix a nasty overbite. The doctor prescribed a very potent liquid painkiller called Oxycontin and sent him to the pharmacist. My grandmother prescribed a bunch of herbal supplements and sent a box full of herb stuff. My brother took next to nothing of either prescribed medications. In his opinion, the painkiller made him dizzy and the herbal packets tasted bad. I took it upon myself to make use of the painkillers and drained the 150 doses in five months time. The supplements remained in a bag hidden in the corner of the kitchen.

Flash forward to present day when I cleaned out the kitchen and discovered the herb bag. In amongst the bag were two bottles of herb pills labeled "Dietary Supplement Herbal Concentrate." I looked at the ingredients: Chinese Yam, Chinese white flower, scutellaria root, dandelion root, gou tang stem, paris root, orange peel, and on and on. I condensed the ingredients to just Chinese Yam. It seemed like an all inclusive phrase for all the weird stuff in the capsules.

The directions stated to take 10 capsules at meal time. The bottle contained 100 capsules. I had two bottles of the stuff, and I contemplated a simple experiment: take Chinese Yam for twenty days and see if I was better or worse for wear. There was also a bottle of Fruit Concentrate that I could squeeze and stir up in water. So each day, I took 10 capsules of Chinese Yam and a glass of Vita-Fruit.

I've heard all about the wonders of herbs and Chinese remedies, and I'm very open to trying alternative medicine. I've been smoking pot on a regular basis since I was 19, so I know that herbs can make life better. Anyone who tells you smoking marijuana has no medicinal value is either extremely naive or running for political office. To put it bluntly, I wanted Chinese Yam to succeed. I wanted to be better off for bringing Chinese Yam into my life and sing its praises to everyone in a personal testimonial. Kind of like the Jared guy who ate the Subway sandwiches and lost weight.

Every day, ten capsules of Chinese Yam. Sometimes I split it up into two sessions of five, and sometimes I downed them all at once. Every day, a glass of Vita-fruit. It tasted a little funky at first, but my taste buds quickly adapted to its quirky flavor. It wasn't that hard. It didn't upset my stomach too much. It didn't have any major side effects. By the time I finished the first bottle, I realized that not only did it have any bad side effects, but it didn't have much of an effect at all.

I didn't have more energy. My bowel movements were about the same as they were before. No weight gain, no weight loss, nothing. Chinese Yam had no effect on me. But maybe, just maybe I hadn't taken the herbal concentrate long enough. I still had one bottle to go.

To be honest, I got a little tired of the routine. Every day, 10 capsules. Every day, Vita Fruit. I ate other things, but these were the consistent consumables. So much that I felt my body truly became saturated with herbs. If the stuff was going to have any noticeable effect, it should come through very soon.

Fifteen days into the experiment, something finally happened. I began sneezing. I got a runny nose. I was mildly sick. I'm not saying that Chinese Yam caused this to happen, but I will point out that it did not prevent it. Due to my clogged state, I stopped taking Chinese Yam and Vita Fruit for a couple days.

My body kicked out the runny nose and clogged feeling within two days, and I finished up my experiment. No more Chinese Yam. No more Vita-Fruit. I looked at myself. Was I better? Did I kick my health up to the next level? Was I turning a new leaf in the quest of beautiful life?

The answer is a resounding NO. I can't tell you what Chinese Yam did for me. Most of the time when I take something, I can feel or tell that it has some tangible effect on me. Chinese Yam gave me nothing. I don't buy anyone who would tell me that the effects are just subtle. If I take 200 capsules of anything, the results better not be so subtle that I can't tell. When I take one toke of pot, I can feel it. When I pop a painkiller, I can feel it. Heck, when I take vitamin B, C, Zinc or even a multi-vitamin, I can feel a change in my metabolism. I can't say it enough: Chinese Yam gave me nothing.

I don't know how much the bottles of herbs cost, but I would wager it was between $5­$10. It's a crock. It's a rip-off. It's just a bunch of nothing good or bad for you. It's Chinese Yam, and it's a scam.

Chris Jungle failed the final exam to become a mad scientist.