Hey.

My name is Jon Worley, and I'm running for Congress. I'm not gonna lie or put on a fake humble hat. I'm running because I've got a few ideas about how things oughta be done, and I believe that I'm the best person to try and get those ideas made into laws.

Take a look around. This is my neighborhood. The folks on my two-block street have many different backgrounds and beliefs. All of us truly agree on only one thing: That we must work together if we want our neighborhood to be as good as it can be. We must talk to each other, be willing to think about ideas that make us feel uncomfortable, make a decision and then pitch in to get done what needs to be done.

The way I see it, that's a good description of what it means to be an American.

From time to time, you'll see me on TV and hear me on the radio. Please don't change the channel. My ads will only be about my ideas. If you want to know about my opponent, you'll have to wait for her ads or call her up yourself. It's not my job to speak for her.

It's also not my job to run her down. She's a most capable person, someone who believes--as I do--that representing the fine people of this district is a great privilege. I don't agree with all of her ideas, but that doesn't mean I think she's a bad person. If you agree with more of her ideas than mine, then by all means vote for her.

But don't make up your mind yet. I have a number of thoughts on how things ought to be done. I believe that we should a national health care program. I beleive there ought to be a national child care system. I believe that standardized testing is hardly an objective measure of school performance, and that such testing is causing some classrooms to become test preparation centers rather than places of learning. I believe that if our schools instill a love of learning in children, the only thing that must be taught is the skill of critical thinking. A nation of sheep is easily conquered.

I also believe that marijuana ought to be treated like alcohol--taxed and regulated. I believe that drug users who have committed no crime other than possession should not face jail time, further degrading our overcrowded prisons. I believe Amtrak and the interstate bus lines ought to be run with a federal subsidy. We should ensure that even the smallest towns are accessible, and that ownership of an automobile should not be a prerequisite for full citizenship.

Don't agree with everything I said? Can imagine how a supposedly sane person might believe such things? Good. My ideas are no more perfect than those of my opponent. If I am elected, I fully expect that my specific proposals will become entirely different beasts by the time they're signed by the President. I will happily compromise in order to get parts of what I want done written into law. That's what our system is all about. We ought to be willing to consider any idea presented, and we ought to be trying out many more innovative programs than we are now. Neither the left nor the right have cornered the market on good ideas, and generally the programs which work best for the most people are those that take into account all sides without forgetting what the point was in the first place.

Sorry about that. Sometimes I get so wound up I run on a bit. You might as well know that that's part of who I am as well.

As for my background, I am married. My wife and I have a son who isn't quite a year old. I have a degree in journalism--feel free to make all the liberal media jokes you like. I've had a lot of jobs in my life, but the best one is what I'm doing now: Taking care of my son.

In the coming days, I'll have more to say about the specific ideas I mentioned earlier. That's all you'll hear in my ads. I make this pledge now: No matter what my opponent's ads might say about me, I will continue to forcefully explain my ideas. Period. Once when Mahatma Gandhi was asked to explain his theory of "passive" protest, he came up with the peerfect answer: "Passive? I've never been passive in my life."

I will be vigorous, even rather excitable when it comes to talking about my ideas. I want you to be interested and excited as well. An election should be exciting. It is a time when people get together to exchange ideas and decide how our nation should move forward. I would be most gratified to have your vote. But even more important than voting for me is simply voting.

So I hope you enjoy the next six weeks. I promise to do my best to make the time interesting and engaging. If, after hearing all my opponent and me have to say, you cast a vote for me, I would be most gratified. And if you vote for my opponent, I will thank you for doing your duty as citizens. America is a better place when you vote.

Peace.

Jon Worley believes this sort of campaign just might have a chance of working--if the candidate wasn't him but rather someone with some real scratch.