I thought it was a joke. A really bad joke. Especially when I heard a producer say something to the effect of, "You know, there are still people out there who put their cars up on blocks in their front yard."

That's no joke. CBS is actually planning a reality show based on "The Beverly Hillbillies." Some "lucky" family from Appalachia will get to move to Californy for a while and spend a boatload of cash however it sees fit before going back home to realize that all of America is laughing at it.

I don't find the concept itself offensive. You have to work pretty hard to offend me. Like, say, advocating the use of preemptive military action. Television? I mean, after the Loni Anderson/Dinah Shore celebrity boxing match, anything goes.

I just thought the idea was dumb. Possibly the dumbest concept ever accepted by a network. And then I thought a little bit. Turns out I have a talent for dumb ideas. Here's my list of potential reality programming based on old TV shows.

Bosom Buddies
Yes, we all fondly remember this bit of fluff that, by the way, launched the career of a certain Tom Hanks. Two men dress in drag and live in an all-female apartment building. Lots of flesh, lots of laughs. I don't know why anyone hasn't thought of this one before.

The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Simple premise. Find an attractive young woman, get her a job as a producer at a television station and see how long it takes before she's encouraged to get in front of the camera. The catchphrase "Honey, no one here gives a good goddamn about journalism" will sweep the nation.

Murphy Brown
While we're on the subject of TV "journalism," here's a natural for CBS: Hire the new Miss America as an anchor on "60 Minutes," and then follow her around with cameras. Make sure you get the moment where Morely Safer christens her with the nickname "perky tits."

Eight Is Enough
Bestow a family of eight children upon a previously childless couple. Watch them quickly go insane. Just make sure no handguns are available, or this puppy might not last two episodes.

Diff'rent Strokes
Now, this one's gotta grab your attention: Send two poor white kids to live with Gary Coleman. Season two: Send two rich Hispanic kids to live with Todd Bridges.

The Facts of Life
Come on, all-access cameras at a girls school? 'Nuff sed. Put this as the lead-in to "Monday Night Football" and watch the ratings soar.

The Love Boat
I know, there's been stuff like "Temptation Island" and all that, but why not simply find a hundred beautiful 20-somethings and send them on a two-week open-bar cruise. Imagine the pre-show warning: "This reality show contains real people trying have sex with as many other real people as possible." A sure-fire hit with the very desirable 13-19 demographic.

Family Ties
Take Rush Limbaugh and make him work at the Pacifica Radio Network. I know, it's a two-minute show, but Hagler-Hearns was only eight minutes long, and people are still talking about it almost 20 years later.

Lou Grant
Find an out-of-work TV news producer who would actually be willing to work at a newspaper. Make him the editor. See how long he or she lasts before cracking from the constant abuse heaped on by the frighteningly self-righteous staff.

Friends
Take six people, give them an apartment in New York and some cash. Film everything. Hmm... seems to me MTV did something like that once.

Night Court
No, no, I'm sure that one has been done to death already. Oh well. I guess I'm all tapped out.

Jon Worley has never been able to sit through an entire episode of either "Friends" or "The Real World."