Bob Costas: Good evening. This is Bob Costas. Welcome to NBC's coverage of the Salt Lake City Games. Tonight we have for you a wide variety of sports played by about twenty Americans. Plus, the latest on the knife fight that broke out after last night's short track skating.

First, though, let's go down to the hockey arena, where the Slava Fetisov, the coach of Team Russia, is giving a press conference.

Fetisov: Everyone knows the NHL refs were out to get my team. There's no way we could have fallen behind such a terrible American team three to nothing.

Question: You know, even a few Russian observers thought your team was flat those first two periods.

Fetisov: You'd play flat too if you knew the refs were just going to swallow their whistles in the third period. This situation is just a joke.

Costas: Well, now, strong words from the Russian coach. Now we go out to the cross-country skiing venue where the American team hopes to notch its first medals in the fifteen k classical event.

Some guy speaking far too loudly: The crowd is just going crazy down here, Bob. [sounds of U-S-A chants abound] It is very possible that an American skier may finish in the top fifty.

Costas: Top fifty? You mean the Americans don't have a chance at a medal?

Loud man: Bob, the only way for the Americans to medal is if everyone, and I mean even the members of the Ivory Coast team, tests positive for illegal drugs.

Costas: Why are those people chanting U-S-A?

Loud man: They're chanting U-S-A because they don't know anything about the sport. They just like to wave flags and act like sheep.

Costas: Well, I think we've spent enough time out on the cross-country track.

Loud man: No, please Bob! I need air time. I need a tape to send to WIBW back in Topeka. They've got a weekend sports reporter position open and I need a job.

Costas: Sorry. Time to move on. [faces the camera] But before we get back to the events, lets go back down to the medal plaza, where Kid Rock is entertaining the crowd.

Kid Rock: And now I want to introduce y'all to my number one bad-ass ho, Pam Anderson!

Costas [appearing a bit shaken]: Hoo, boy. It's amazing what the kids listen to these days, isn't it? Now we need to get over to an event making its first appearance in these games. Mark Fuhrman has the call over at extreme biathlon.

Fuhrman: Thanks, Bob. For all of you unfamiliar with the sport that has captivated the southern portion of my adopted state of Idaho, let's go over the rules. Each contestant has ten jumps off the big ski jump hill. In the middle of each jump, the contestant has to squeeze off a round and try to hit a two-inch target at the bottom of the hill. The contestant then lands and is assigned points based on length of jump, style of landing and whether or not he hit the target.

It is important to note that if you shoot a spectator, you are immediately disqualified from the event. Unless, of course, the spectator was standing in an illegal position. Then it's perfectly okay to shoot someone.

Here's Ron "White Power" Sanders from Coeur d'Alene on his fifth jump. So far he's in third place, having hit one target and landed some really nice jumps.

[Sanders flies down the hill, jumps, shoulders his rifle, takes a shot, slides the rifle back on his shoulder and nails a Telemark landing.]

Oh, wow! He's hit the target. With a jump like that ... oh yeah! Sanders flies into second place. This event is really getting exciting now!

Costas: We'll get back to Mark later. Now it's time to get down to our guys Don and Don at the curling arena, where something or another is happening.

Don #1: Hi, I'm Don.

Don #2: And I'm Don.

Don #1: We're the Dons of curling.

[Both laugh heartily. Loud shouts of U-S-A can be heard in the background.]

Don #1: The USA team, led by the indomitable Tim Sommerville, is getting waxed once again. It's what, nine-three here in the sixth end?

Don #2: Yep. Just isn't Team USA's year, I think.

Don #1: Sommerville is about to attempt a takeout of the Moldovan's lead guard. Sommerville is only running about fifty-eight percent on his takeouts in this match, and he really needs to get good weight on this shot.

Don #2: I really like his brushers on this shot. They sure do know how to judge the ice.

Don #1: And he pushes off, letting go of his shot just before the hog line.

Don #2: Oooh, it's heavy. And he's a little off line. The brushers are already getting busy.

Don #1: This is a make-or-break shot for Sommerville and the American team. The stone approaches the Moldovan guard--

Costas: That's about all we could take of curling. Time to get back down to the medals plaza, where the IOC is about to award Jamie Sale and David Pelletier another set of gold medals just because they're Canadian and so damned cute.

[The medals are awarded. Kisses all around. The Canadian flag starts to rise. Everybody cheers.]

Costas: I don't know about you, but scenes like that make me proud to be an American.

Jim McKay: I couldn't agree with you more, Bob. Why, back when I was doing the Olympics for ABC back in 1968--

Costas: And now we go back out to Mark Fuhrman at the extreme biathlon, where American athlete Ron Sanders has a chance to win gold.

Fuhrman: One last jump for Ron "White Power" Sanders. If he nails this jump, he's as good as gold. He's just got to avoid winging a spectator.

[Sanders jumps, takes a shot, slides the rifle back on his shoulder and hits a spot-on landing.]

A jump of almost a hundred and twenty meters! And remember folks, he's shooting while he's flying. Uh-oh, a red flag has gone up. Ron has hit someone in the crowd. We'll have to wait for a ruling.

[picture of a guy in a blue blazer and straw boater standing over a prone body. He's examining papers of some sort.]

Look at that! The green flag has been raised. My producer is down there trying to get an explanation.

Oh, hey, the guy Ron hit wasn't a Mormon. He was standing in the Mormon-only zone, and so was standing in an illegal position. Officially, he's not a spectator but just part of the scenery. Ron Sanders has won the gold!

Costas: Well, well, it's been a long evening of great sport here in Salt Lake City, capped off by gold for an American in the strange new sport of extreme biathlon. We'll close by going down to the medals plaza, where that one-hit-wonder what's his-name is singing the song that got played on the radio way too much a couple of years ago. For all of us here at NBC, good night.

Jon Worley watched a whole lot of curling and hockey during the last two weeks.