Met him down in Houston and my heart stood still
Da Enron-run-run
Da Enron-run

Put his boy in the White House and passed myself some bills
Da Enron-run-run
Da Enron-run

Everybody now!

The collapse of Enron, which happens to be the largest bankruptcy in the history of the United States, has tarred a few folks in high places. Reporters and other naturally curious people are asking questions. Questions like "If Enron has funded the entire career of Phil Gramm's wife, with the exception of the time she served on an agency that regulated Enron, how is it that she could be expected to be impartial in decisions concerning Enron." Or, "If Enron was heavily involved in making Vice President Dick Cheney a really rich man, should we be concerned if Enron executives visited Cheney many times while the administration considered regulations concerning Enron's business?" Or, "As Kenneth Lay, the Chairman of Enron, is the biggest political supporter (in terms of cold cash donations) of both President George W. Bush and his father, shouldn't we wonder about the many visits to the White House made by said chairman and other Enron executives?"

All fair inquiries. But when reporters asked these admittedly weak, softball questions, spokesman Ari Fleischer said (in his Ivy League-crafted homespun manner) "That dog won't hunt." The Bush Administration is proclaiming itself innocent before anyone has made a serious accusation whatsoever, handing out the sort of premature disclaimer that brings real scandalmongers out of the woodwork in droves. Blood is in the air. And on the streets.

That's as it should be. Enron and its executives gave scads of money to most members of Congress and members of the administration. Attorney General John Ashcroft has recused himself from the official Justice Department investigation because of the substantial sums of money Enron gave him in his failed senatorial campaign (one he lost to a dead man). More money went to Republicans than Democrats, but the difference is relatively small. I'd say the only major politician (if you could call him that) completely untouched by Enron is former Green Party presidential candidate Ralph Nader. Who said (often) during the 2000 campaign he'd be glad to cause a Bush presidency, if only to prove to the nation how slimy big oil politics really are. Of course, Enron didn't trade oil. It traded natural gas. No connection between the two, of course.

Of course there isn't. That's why the Bush flacks are working overtime to try and put out this brewing scandal. See, at the top of Enron's gift list was the Prez himself. Since 1978 Ken Lay has given George W. Bush's various campaigns more than half a million bucks. Lay is numero uno on the Bush family Christmas card list. And now he's probably going to go to jail for quite a while, on insider trading charges if not fraud and other nasty boardroom crimes.

The fact that the Prez has rich friends isn't surprising. It's almost impossible to get elected to the local school board, much less national office, without having pounded drinks at a few mansions. It's not even surprising that a few of those rich friends are real scumbags. We don't even have all the facts, but what has come to light about the demise of Enron puts Lay easily into the scumbag territory. That's not what worries me. As I see it, the real question facing the president is when he figured out that his patron was a scumbag, and what did he do about it?

The issue isn't rich scumbag friends. After all, everyone knew that Bush had lots of wealthy pals, some of them of shady character, and almost half the country voted for him anyway. I have no problem with that. Bill Clinton associated with plenty of shady folks, and I think that his relations with them were, for the most part, above board. After all, more than $100 million worth of special prosecutors found nothing more than an unfaithful husband lying about sex to save his ass. Say what you want about his personal integrity, Bill Clinton is a smart guy. He knew enough to keep a fair distance from the ugly side of politics. Let others handle the dirty work. A smart strategy for a president to employ.

I don't think anyone, even his mother, believes that George W. Bush is smarter than Bill Clinton. Bush is Dan Quayle without Quayle's political savvy (the former veep's one sterling quality). When surrounded by a lot of rich guys, the Prez takes whatever they give him. Witness the Texas Rangers, which he "bought" with virtually no money down. He oughta be appearing on late-night TV infomercials peddling real estate schemes. But, sad to say, he's president. And one of his best pals is a serious crook. I think it's quite possible that the Prez did something illegal without knowing it. In fact, I think it's very likely. I'm guessing the Prez gets that deer-in-the-headlights look whenever someone does something shady around him. He probably thinks of such events as out-of-body experiences. He can see himself doing something questionable, but it's not him. It's just his body. I have no facts or evidence to support this conjecture other than the Prez's omnipresent blank stare. The man's basic facial expression reminds me of Dopey. It's like he's having a booze flashback or something.

I don't know what Bush knew or when he knew it. And as of yet, we don't know how far the stench of corruption from Enron's collapse will spread. At best, a whole lot of people very high in the government are going to look very foolish. At worst, a number of senators, congressmen and cabinet officials will be packing for Club Fed. The thing is, this dog has already hunted. And a massive coven of quail has scattered to bleat a pathetic message to every media outlet in sight. "I didn't do nothing! Not a damn thing! I just took the money like a good politician! Nothing wrong with that!"

If you say so. Methinks Ralph Nader is laughing his ass off right about now.

Jon Worley doesn't think all rich people are scumbags. Just the ones who think that having money makes them good people.