2: Rank in circulation of the Albuquerque Tribune among the two daily newspapers in Albuquerque.

At least 10: The number of times the Trib has run a picture (black and white or color) of "Our Lady In A Bikini," a controversial art piece depicting the Virgin Mary in a bikini made of flowers.

At least 100: letters printed in the Trib, written to the paper about the "Our Lady In A Bikini" artwork

7: numbers of times I said "Jesus Christ, they printed that bikini lady picture again!" out loud to no one as I read the paper

4/20/99: Day of the Columbine Massacre at a high school in a suburb of Denver

15: Number of people who died at Columbine

4:20: Time of day when people are traditionally supposed to smoke pot during the day

4/20: National Pot Smoking Day

10, 2 and 6: Times of day when people are traditionally supposed to drink Dr. Pepper

4/20/01: 2nd anniversary of Columbine

Approximately 12,000: Number of students in Albuquerque who did not go to school on the 2nd anniversary of Columbine

Hundreds: Number of people who went to Roosevelt Park in Albuquerque to show their support for the use of medical marijuana on 4/20/01

Several: Number of people at pot rally who were cited for possession of pot or drug paraphernalia and/or disorderly conduct

0: Number of people at pot rally who were arrested

2: Shifts in the anchor chair on KOB-TV 4 that TV news personality Cindy Hernandez was suspended for getting an illegal haircut

3: Number of times a member of KOB-TV 4 commented about "viewer comfort" when discussing the illegal haircut in the Tribune article

0: Times I regularly watch KOB-TV 4 News in a typical year

1: Times I've been to a strip club before Saturday night

Approximately 30: Minutes I deliberated going to a strip club with a friend, weighing the amount of money I'd allow myself to spend ($40) versus amount of good it would do me

$0: Amount of money a friend and I paid to get into Fantasy World, an "all nude" strip club in the NE Heights of Albuquerque

$3.75: Price of a soft drink at Fantasy World (no liquor is sold at "all nude" clubs)

$1: Price of a quick (fifteen seconds or so) dance from the stage

$10: Price of a dance at your chair (duration: one song)

$20: Price of a dance in a booth (duration: one song)

$50: Price of a V.I.P. dance (duration and content: unknown)

Approximately $40: Amount of money dropped at Fantasy World

2: Times called a "cheapskate" by the Fantasy World bouncer

0: Times I will return to Fantasy World in the foreseeable future

4: Times I've been teased recently in front of most of the staff by one of my bosses where I work because the hottie Intern from last summer is not returning

0: Times I've teased him about having a crush on our account manager

4: Times said hottie Intern e-mailed me concerning her decision not to return this summer--before she eventually contacted my bosses to let them know the news

0: Times I pleaded with her to change her mind

42: The meaning of life, according to Douglas Adam's sci-fi classic, Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

Approximately 5: Percentage of people who get the reference to 42 when I bring it up in conversation

Matt Worley's life has been inundated by numbers lately, causing him to feel a bit impersonal about the world. Or maybe it was that conversation with one of the strippers at Fantasy World about how the Icehouse (the other "all nude" bar, situated in a lonely corner near downtown) was "ghetto" compared to Fantasy World--apparently the reason Fantasy World is siphoning all of the Icehouse's business.