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A guy I know complained that he had to wait for fifteen minutes at convenient store to buy a pack of cigarettes. The reason for the delay--people desperately throwing money on the counter in hopes of winning the 280 million dollar jackpot. The guy scoffed and complained that the whole thing is fixed, and in a broad sense, I agree with him.

For the last two years, the heavily-advertised monopoly game at McDonald's has been fixed. The company in charge of printing the winning tickets took all of the big prizes and gave them to friends. All those commercials about people choosing between the four-wheeler and jet ski were just hype. In reality, no one had a chance. Not even you.

Think of what you can do with what you will never have.

I find it eerily coincidental that at the same time everyone is getting their checks from the government (a far cry from my $5200 proposal, by the way), the lottery is peaking. Everyone is looking at their $300 and thinking "Wouldn't it be great if this were actually three hundred million?" I have no way to prove it, but I'm wagering that more than a few people in line are buying three hundred dollars worth of lottery tickets because of the tax relief check they received. Out of one government's hands and right into another.

The giant sucking sound you hear is not American jobs going to Mexico. It's all those people who gasp when they miss on the Powerball.

I'll admit that I had my own moment of desperate lottery hope. The summer after I graduated college, I was in Florida where a business opportunity went belly up. I had no income, no social life, no drugs, and no hope--save the weekly lottery. I would throw down five dollars a week on the lottery, and my only joy came from pretending what I'd do with the winnings. I would stay up until 4 a.m. when the Sunday paper came (I was pretty much doing that anyway) and check my numbers. I never won. I never matched enough numbers to get any money. Even by dropping only five bucks a week, I was a sucker.

I keep hearing "You can't win it if you're not in it." Well, I say "It doesn't matter what numbers you picked if the whole thing is fixed."

We're talking about gambling here. Government sanctioned gambling. The only reason it's legal is because the money goes to the government. One thing I know about gambling is that the house always wins, and none of the people in line at convenient store are the house. We are a nation of suckers. We get $300 checks and blow it on thin air. We complain that our tax dollars are going to help the weak and stupid, and then we stand in line to prove that we're all weak and stupid.

The Wizard of Oz is a man behind a curtain pushing buttons.

They've fixed a World Series. With all of the blowouts, I wouldn't be surprised if a few Super Bowls have been rigged. Countries try intricate schemes to land in an easy first-round group in the World Cup. Basketball players on every level have been paid off. Horses get juiced with who knows what. With millions of the almighty dollar at stake, there's a good chance someone is behind the curtain saying "No one wins this week. Please try again next week."

I've never won. I don't know anyone who has won. I don't know anyone who knows anyone who has ever won.

A preacher thinks he's going to win because he talks to God. A housewife thinks she's going to win because of the numbers of her birthday, her anniversary and the age of her kids. I thought I would win because I was desperate. The poor think they will win because they have suffered. The middle class think they will win because they believe in the system. The rich think they will win because they have already won.

Take that lottery money and go buy yourself a nice meal and a beer. That's as much winning as most of us get. Most importantly, get out of line and let my friend buy his cigarettes. Now, there's an addiction with some immediate and fleeting gratification. He's not winning either, but he at least has no illusion about how he is losing.

Chris Jungle is rigging his entire life.