"Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear."
Fozzie Bear

Every now and again, I get an e-mail exclaiming how Internet scum like me should be grateful that I live in a country where I can express my stupid beliefs. This is usually followed by the 'Love it or leave it' quote and an epithet or two. All because I mentioned something that was wrong with the country where I was born and raised.

To clear things up, I live in the best country in the world. The United States has the best entertainment industry in the world, and I have access to all the books, music and movies to satiate me until I'm old and hazy. As long as I abide by basic laws, most of which forbid destruction and hurting other people, the authorities allow me to live my days outside the system. There are both live and televised sporting events, and food in every supermarket. For these reasons and several others, I'll sing 'God Bless America' off-key with anyone who gets the patriotic urge.

As much as I'm proud to live in the US of A, I can't help but describe a few disappointing things about Americans in general. Just remember (all you foul-mouthed letter writers), I criticize because I care.

First and foremost, Americans are consumers. Even are government sees us as this. They may call us taxpayers or productive citizens, but it all goes back to consumption. No one should strive to be known as a consumer. While many are frugal with their purchases, as a collective, we demand and supply ourselves with more unnecessary items that end up in the trash before we can really figure out why we bought the stuff in the first place.

We are wasteful and irresponsible. Only in America can someone owe thousands of dollars in credit card debt and say something as absurd as "But I'm helping my credit rating." I don't know where everybody learned that living in debt was acceptable, but it isn't. Living in debt makes you a slave. Like Tyler Durden says in Fight Club, the stuff you own ends up owning you. "I really want to quit my job, but I can't until I pay off my new truck." The government will never tell you to stop buying items you can't afford, so I will. Payment plans are like prison sentences. A mortgage on a house is a 30-year sentence. A car payment gets you 3-5 years. The worst part is that everyone wants you to join them in prison.

We are self-absorbed and obnoxious. I understand that you are the most important person in your life, but you should understand that everyone thinks they are. No one can cater to your whims when they are trying to get by with our own lives. This means that everything will not go your way. Sometimes you will get bad service at a restaurant, sometimes the line (that you decided to stand in) will move slowly, and sometimes bad things happen without anyone intending any harm. You are allowed to vent and mope for a few moments, but then you must stop your bitching. I've found that many people would rather spend their energy complaining about what is going wrong than contemplate ways to remedy the problem. I just finished rereading Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut and was reminded of this age old adage--God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom always to tell the difference.

There's some straight up negligence out there. We drop are junk wherever we feel like it. We crank up the AC to cool off our overweight bodies. We drive our gas-guzzling SUVs three blocks to the drive thru at McDonalds. We fill up trash cans full of crap every week. We complain that our taxes are going to causes we care nothing about. We don't think about what We are doing. We just do, and do, and do, and don't know how it got this way.

I'm an American. I've always been an American. I've done a lot of bad things in my life, but I've done my share of favors as well. I think movies like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Easy Rider are just as patriotic as Patton and Forrest Gump. The US of A is as much my country as it is yours, and we all live in it together. That's what is really and truly amazing. We all get to live here. That's what makes this country great.

Of course, we could always be greater.

Chris Jungle crowns thy good with brotherhood.