President Bush wants a 1.6 trillion dollar tax cut for Americans. More than any other policy, he wants 'to give the money back to the people,' but he's going about it the wrong way. He wants to cut the highest tax bracket from 39% to 33%, the lowest bracket from 15% to 10%, and a bunch of weird stuff in between to where nobody knows what the deal is. On top of that, he wants to do his tax cut over the next ten years. I say forget all that nonsense. What if we divided that money up equally among all Americans? 1.6 trillion divided by 280 million (the approximate number of US citizens) is 5714. Round that down to the nearest hundred, and it equals $5700 per American.

This is what I propose to President Bush--Forget about tax cuts, and instead, cut every US citizen one check for $5700. If President Bush does this, I can almost guarantee him re-election in four years.

When I say every US citizen, that's exactly what I mean. You, me, the guy across the street, the bum in the gutter, the couple living in the penthouse, everybody. A family of four gets a check for each person. A married couple would each get a check. That loner dude gets a check. Your mother. Your best friend. Your worst enemy. Everybody. We'd all get one check for $5700.

Think of what it would do for the economy! Think of what it would do for consumer approval! Crime goes down! Stock Market goes up! Think of your ratings, President Bush! People would remember you forever. You'd be the president that paid the people back.

With that check, the government is officially assisting everyone with whatever they need help with the most. An old man complains that prescription drugs are too high. Sorry about that, here's $5700. A family wants to send their kid to private school. Forget vouchers, here's $5700 for your kid. Credit card debt? Student loans? Gambled away your fortune? Have $5700, it's the best we can do.

I agree with the president, 1.6 trillion is the right number. Because that means everyone gets $5700. Now I know the rich shelled out most of the money for these checks, but they shouldn't complain too much because the poor will just buy more stuff, giving the money right back. It's better than charity because they are helping the well-being of all Americans. Besides, the wealthy get a check just like everybody else.

Cutting a check would be the last big Thank You to every American for the long economic boom we've had. Everyone could honestly and tangibly say they benefited from this unprecedented surge of wealth, and they can use the money for whatever they want. Personally, I would use it to live a few more months without a day job. You could spend your check on whatever you want. Bam! Everyone's happy!

By the way, if a check for $5700 doesn't mean anything to you, then you already have more than enough money and should stop your bitching.

$5700 will not save anyone's life. It's not going to fix all of our problems. It will, however, mean a lot more than any tax-cut-over-ten-years proposal. Don't give me that crap about 'The Jones family will save $1600 with my tax cut, and that's a year's worth of gas for their two SUVs.' A year's worth of gas spread over ten years divided by inflation amounts to diddly-squat for most Americans. If Bush really wants to bring the nation together, it's with the checkbook, not compassion.

Of course, some people would not benefit. Illegal aliens, sorry. Prisoners, nope. Their checks would go to the prisons that house them. Fetuses would not benefit. We wouldn't want people having kids so they could get another check. Everyone would have to fill out a form of basic information to get a check, and I bet their citizen counts would be much more accurate than any Census we've had.

It's not every day that I come up with an idea that will actually benefit millions of people, but that's why I stick around in this crazy world. For those fleeting moments when I am genius. I'm telling you, President Bush, if you do this, we're talking a walk in 2004, we're talking about being remembered for years, we're talking about people swearing you are the best president in American history.

Or you can just give the rich a nice tax break, grease a few of those oily campaign palms and wonder why nobody likes you.

Chris Jungle received a participation ribbon at the last genius fair.