Ben punches the speakerphone and leans back in his chair.

"Talk to me, Stan."

"Got a real beaut today. Tan Dun meets Reservoir Dogs."

Ben smiles. "I'm still listening."

Stan's voice comes on real breathy. "Alright. You've got the heir to the throne of Nepal, Prince Ringydingy or whatever. His fiancee is plotting against the queen. The queen refuses to allow the marriage. Prince Ringydingy goes off, dresses in camos, arms up like Rambo and offs the family."

"You see that as the climax? Some sort of vigilante statement about arranged marriage?"

"Well, I think you lead off with the shooting, and then the movie is told in flashback, piece by piece until the end, where the audience sees Prince Ringydingy arming up for the final confrontation."

Ben rolls his head around on his neck. "Who do you see as the Prince and the Queen?"

"Chow Yun-Fat as the Prince, of course."

"Of course."

"The queen is trickier. I think Joan Chen would be great."

"Hmm..." Ben taps the table three times. "Pass. Too unbelievable. And anyway, who the hell knows where Nepal is, anyway? What else you got?"

"High concept: Taps meets the Negotiator. The cops arrest a mom in Idaho. They go to the house to pick up her six kids, but the oldest yells out 'Get the guns! Release the hounds!'"

"The hounds?"

"They've got like two dozen pissed-off pit bulls or something. We get Kathy Baker--"

"I see Kathy Bates as the mom."

"Love it. Kathy Bates is in jail, being interrogated on suspicion of child abuse. She's a broken-down alcoholic, doesn't even recognize reality. Meanwhile, her kids are holding off the cops by any means necessary. Make Arnold the lead negotiator."

Ben makes a face. "Arnold?"

"Against type. He can't use any of his muscle. He has to use his mind."

Ben howls. "God, Stan, you're the funniest guy I know. That's utterly preposterous." Ben pauses for a moment, and thinks better of his pronouncement. "But maybe so crazy it's sane. Give me your title."

"Hounded."

Too much for Ben. "Stan!" he cries before collapsing in laughter. "That's even sillier than Ringydingy's Excellent Himalayan Adventure. You're holding out on me. You've gotta have something better. Dish."

Stan doesn't hesitate. "Party Girl II: The White House."

Ben stands up and applauds.

"I knew it! I knew it! That's brilliant. Timely, and with the right treatment we could get away with it. How do you want to play it?"

"The president's daughter sees the Secret Service as cramping her style. The plot is set up by a series of scenes where she tricks her escorts and winds up at these wild, depraved bashes."

"I see a role for Shannon Elizabeth here..."

"Oh yeah. Full-frontal action all the way. Think of it as Hollywood Hot Tubs meets Mr. Smith Goes to Washington."

Ben does a few jumping jacks. He's really worked up. "Like it, love it. We need two or three full-blown orgies to properly establish her character." Drool forms at the corners of Ben's mouth. "Conflict: At one of the parties, she gets kidnapped by some baddie, maybe one of Osama Bin Lauden's guys or something."

Stan's voice shares Ben's enthusiasm. "Right, right. And the Secret Service agent she kept ditching is the one who saves her. She realizes the error of her ways and resolves to be a better daughter."

"Jackpot! We get to see the president's daughter in her altogether, but she comes around at the end. The White House can't complain about the message, that's for sure."

"I can write in a week."

"Take two," Ben says. "This is a quality project. I'll have my people call yours for the details."

"You got it. I'll use only the best coke."

"Stan, you're a prince among men." Ben punches his speakerphone again, cutting off the conversation. He hits his intercom. "Sonja? Get me the last six issues of Playboy. I've gotta do some talent scouting..."

Jon Worley's pitches have always been way off the plate.