Back when I was about the size of a pinkie finger (relatively), people would ask me what I thought it was going to be like in 2001. And I replied in a small but clear voice, "It's going to suck, I'll be almost 30. What can you do when you're already 30 and life has passed you by?"

Probably not the most accurate prognostication I've done, but I was the size of a pinkie and hadn't really seen much of the world (as it was so big and I was so small and it was hard to see over things). And I think that because we were in a depression or a recession or something, gas prices were high and we had to walk everywhere because it was too expensive to drive that I wasn't in the best of moods.

But everything is different now. It's almost a new millennium, a new century, a new decade AND a new year. And if any of you remember the first part of the 90s (a decade most people said actually started in 1990 and not 1991, which really confuses me because that means that the 90s were actually eleven years since 2000 wasn't really part of the new new millennium and century and all that stuff I was talking about before--is this fuzzy math?), we were deluged with pop hair metal boys who would jump around, wear Spandex and pretend to be Jim Morrison incarnate. And then things changed in 1991. We found Nirvana--right in the middle of a recession even. Isn't that always the way? We find enlightenment when we're down on our luck.

It's been a tough year, this 2000 (although Newsweek gave it four stars because instead of doing retrospective issues for the last few months, they got to continually put cartoons and manipulated photos of Bush/Gore on the cover and talk endlesslesslessly about whether we should count all the votes and give it to Gore or if the votes had already been counted and we should just stop and give Bush the crown--which is what we ended up doing), people stopped making shitloads of money from invisible stores on the Internet, all of the dominant teams won demonstrably, and the lights stayed on--which was the real disappointment for a lot of people who wanted to go back to caves and eat Spam. Boy band booty shakers and Britney Spears sold well, mostly due to the introspective nature of their newly matured lyrics. Everyone found a new radio station called Napster that a lot of rich musicians and record companies didn't like because they weren't getting paid when people enjoyed their music.

But this new year, it looks good. I think we're gonna have fun this year. We've got a new President called Bush who is going to bring a lot of integrity and honor to the Presidency. He's got a whole new bag of the stuff packed up and ready to move in. He's going to bring us all back together because he barely won and that's a really good reason for everyone to forget their really petty political differences and embrace him. He's the man with no mandate, so he's like an underdog or something. I bet he's going to give us a speech early on about how he's really not any good at this president thing and we should all bear with him while he figures out how to use the new fangled refrigerator in the private quarters of the White House. And after he figures that out, there's the whole bowling alley thing (and he doesn't know how to get the pins unstuck after a particularly exuberant strike) to deal with. So if he forgets about some of his promises or really screws the economy up or has to beat up on a little country because he really wants to "fight and wage war" like his daddy, well, we should let him off easy. At least he's not getting a hummer from a twenty-something groupie. And doesn't that make us all feel better?

The Revolution is just a few months away, y'know. We don't know it yet, but it's brewing. We're gonna rise up and make a better world really soon. As long as we get our jobs back (with a raise!) when we're all done. We're gonna be so out there, and we'll watch all of us being one with the word on streaming video and audio on our newly souped-up DSL/Cable Internet. And there will be great rallying theme songs by relevant Artists who have had to struggle for so long but are now Huge Stars because we believe in the Cause. And then we can buy the Special Edition DVD of the Revolution with audio commentary by the leaders and the leaders' posse of groupies.

It's all gonna be different and sparkling and new. No more trudging to work everyday thinking that nothing fun will ever happen. No more doing repetitive motion activities for X amount of dollars an hour. No more selling, no more buying, no more auctioning off our past on eBay. Everything will be pure and non-sponsored by a corporate entity. We will change the name of the Journal Pavilion to That Music Stage in the Middle of Nowhere with One Dirt Access Road Coming In and Out. We're gonna stop going to McDonald's because it tastes like shit (except those McRibs--exceptions must be made!). We're gonna change everything. It's gonna be the Elysian Fields. It's gonna be the Meadowlands. It's gonna be so Chewbacca Fly everyone is gonna lose their minds. It's gonna be Nirvana! Again!

We're gonna be a totally different world, and we're gonna love it!

Hurray for 2001!

Matt Worley is going to use the phrases "Old Bean," "Aught One," "On A Plain," and "It's a happening, man!" in the new year/decade/century/millennium.