During the last ten years of the Cold War (which ended in late 1989 with the fall of the Berlin Wall), I was often scared out of my wits about the prospects of nuclear war. Being a sensitive child and teenager, I sometimes overreacted to certain events. But then again, so did a lot of people. When Reagan joked in an "off-air" comment about getting the missiles ready to attack (it wasn't actually off the air, which is why we know it happened), he scared half of our country and almost all of the former U.S.S.R. The Evil Empire, as Reagan dubbed the Soviet Union, was not just a potential threat--it was an imminent one. And there were some days as I grew up on the dusty plateau of Eastern New Mexico that seemed ripe for nuclear destruction.

What we should have learned from the Cold War is that no one--NO ONE--wants nuclear war. No one wants to destroy the Earth just so the other side can't enjoy it after we're all vaporized. And what we should have learned from the last seven or eight years of economic expansion is that making the world more prosperous as a whole is good for everyone. Sure it means that tons of people are buying mega-tons of stuff none of us need, but we feel good, don't we?

I feel a lot better about the world than I did back in the Cold War. There is no imminent threat (as a matter of fact, there's never been much of a threat on our home land--if that's what you call the continental U.S.) and actually there's not even much of an idle threat.

So why are we still trying to get Star Wars to work after 25 years?

Way way back in the day, the thought of shielding ourselves from incoming missiles seemed like a good idea. The Soviet Union were crazy bears with their claws on the trigger (I know they were, I read all the political cartoons back then), and we needed a missile defense system. Now, who is directly threatening us? China isn't (when in the last decade or so have they ever said they want to blow us off the face of Earth?) and neither is Russia or any of the other former Soviet republics.

A few days ago the missile missed again. This time it didn't even look for the "bad" missile, it just kept on flying (now, where do the intercept missiles fall when they miss?--no one ever tells us these things). And even if it did hit, why do we want to try and build this thing? Didn't anyone watch Spies Like Us? And has anyone realized that the hot Russian chick from that movie is the same hot chick in Kingpin?

But of course, politicians never really answer our questions. They just hedge and nudge and sign those pork bills so we keep spending $100 million dollars for a half hour test. $100 million in a half hour. We can't even spend $100 million a year on the arts (which usually makes people feel better about themselves), so why are we pissing away cash at this rate for something that might not work and is utterly unnecessary?

I blame the insurance companies--just because blaming idiot politicians is so 1999. Insurance companies are the kings of promoting unnecessary spending. People have insurance on everything these days. Their cars, their dogs, their dog's cars. The garages the cars are in, the rest of the house, the $50 inflatable pool in the backyard, that impressive DVD collection and the even more impressive porn collection. We're so afraid of losing what we've got, we believe we can protect it all with a little bit of foresight (and a lot of money).

And the insurance companies hype us up. Everything is dangerous, everything needs to be insured or it will disappear. Playgrounds are dangerous (someone might fall down). Cars are dangerous (no one knows how to drive anymore). Houses spontaneously explode into firebombs. School yards are merely elaborate stages for gunfights between disaffected teenagers. Restaurants are havens for evil parasites. Nothing is safe: everyone wear a helmet, knee pads and reinforced jock straps.

You know, even though we've got all these hazards and dangers and everything in the world, there is one thing I know isn't going to happen: The U.S. will not be hit by random nuclear missiles from renegade states. So let's call off that unnecessary insurance spending and put that money in a little pot we can get to on the day everyone in the U.S. walks out to find their car has been stolen.

Matt Worley routinely gets razzed for his belief that seat belt laws are tools of over-zealous insurance lobbyists who don't want to pay for people who get thrown out of their car in high speed collisions.