The difference between winter and spring is definite. Winter (at least where I live) is very measured. Sure, it's a little cold, but not that bad. Occasionally it snows, but mostly it's just a little bit colder. Spring is another matter. It's chaotic. Last week we greeted the beginning of Spring with a three day snow and rain storm that has kept the mountain tops white for longer than anything we witnessed in winter. Spring means wind, snow storms and, like it's been for the last couple days, beautiful clear days in the 70s. In other words, spring is schizophrenic.

The polls have just closed in Russia. For those of you who don't await with baited breath every word of Wolf Blitzer on CNN, Russia is having a presidential election. The rules for Russia are pretty much the same as they are here. Except they've got more choices: Eleven people are running for president in Russia. Now, to be sure, some of these people are on the fringe. There is one guy who is so on the fringe, there is no photo available for him.

No photo for a guy running for president? Isn't this the 21st century? Or is it? Maybe next year we'll get a photo for that guy. Damn mathematicians. But eleven. Just think if the international press identified eleven people running for president in this country?

For our presidential election season--which started at least a year ago, I think--we'll be lucky to identify three people running. Even though, if you count all the little parties that throw up a name, I'm sure there are at least eleven people running. But wouldn't it be cool if we really felt we had a choice of eleven candidates? I mean, that's more choices than you get for McDonald's Meal Deals.

Another interesting tidbit about Russian elections is that fifty percent of the voters must vote for the election to be valid. If we had that rule, we'd still be voting in the 1980 presidential election. I have easy solutions for this: make election day a holiday, make voting mandatory to get a tax refund, and attach a lottery to it. One lucky voter gets a dollar for every vote cast.

One guy that no one elected, but a lot of people seem to be happy about lately is the Pope. He visited the Holy Land this week. It's the first time a Pope has ever set foot in the Holy Land, even though he doesn't really live that far away. There is rejoicing about this because it was a mission of peace--as opposed to the big guy romping into the place and demanding the head of all infidels. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the central tenet of Christianity to love everyone? What's the big deal here?

Of course, the big deal is that when you get a bunch of people who pray to different gods together, it turns into a real dick-swinging match about who's god is better. I guess it's cool that the Pope is trying to be nice to everyone. He is almost 80. He's gotta be past dick-swinging by now.

About a week ago, I was accosted by a woman (with young son in tow) who wanted to save my soul. I was nice and polite, but she wouldn't go away. I think she had a quota to meet or something. Anyway, eventually I said something like, "Maybe I don't want to go to Heaven." She gasped, horrified that anyone would want to go to the other place. I was thinking more along the lines that if Heaven was full of people like her, then how bad could Hell be?

What can you do? It's springtime. People go crazy. They get all these insane thoughts in their head, and they have to get them out. Like they've been stuck inside for winter so long, when they start to get out in the sun all those weird thoughts get energized. Must act upon what's in my head! Cannot control instincts! I think this is why St. Patrick's Day is right near the beginning of spring. It's like the one day when it's legal to drown all those weird thoughts with alcohol.

Green beer day is only one day, though. Just like the Pope is only one man and, out of those eleven nuts who want to run Russia, only one of them gets the job. And, even though there are many religions in this world, only one is the right one. Of course, everyone is still arguing about which one that is.

Matt Worley is pretty sure he's worshipping the wrong god.