Last Tuesday, my grandma was not so happy about the Republican Primary returns. She's a Bush woman. I really don't try to understand this other than to realize that my grandma has always been a staunch Republican. And the one solid base of support for G.W. Bush is staunch Republicans. Those voters who will always vote and always vote extremely Republican. That's why Grandma is rooting for Bush.

On the other hand, the only good thing I see about Bush is his name. And he doesn't even have as good a name as Gore--violence beats out sex in policy debates anytime. But, then again, I'm not voting for any of these people. I just love to watch them squirm and squiggle.

I just realized in the last few weeks that neither McCain or Bush are running as themselves. They're running as Reagan. The last successful Republican President. The guy who saved us from the seventies only to bring us the freakin' eighties. This is who both McCain and Bush want to be. If they can't be Reagan--who are they going to be? No one remembers Ike anymore, and, even though he's been largely forgiven, no one is invoking Nixon either. Somehow, I think that Nixon and Hitler will always be synonymous with "evil, evil man." Which is cool with me, someone's gotta be evil.

In his TV ads, McCain--who I noticed has a really good radio/voice over speaking tone--casts himself as a Reagan Republican. To repudiate this, G.W. said, "It's not Reagan-esque to say one thing and do another." To be honest about it all, both of these statements are wrong. They don't add up. They seem to miss the point of being Reagan, which was to point one way with one hand and move the controls with the other.

Reagan is both the great Satan and the great savior of capitalism. He scared the hell out of the former U.S.S.R. They thought he was literally sleeping with his finger on the big red button--and this was my perception as a child as well. He sold arms to the Iranians and then forgot about it. People in Hollywood call this method acting.

This was Reagan's great gift. The great communicator could make us believe anything--no matter what the truth was. He was a great political actor. And, if there is any President or candidate who has this same gift, it's Clinton.

But since the Republicans running today must evoke great precedent, Reagan is their man.

And a lot of Republican voters are looking for the next Reagan. They're tired of losing. And no matter how much they like saying, "I didn't vote for him" about the President, I think they want to be on the winning side for once in a decade. It's like rooting for a NFL team that never wins. Like Cincinnati or New Orleans. Ricky Williams couldn't save the Saints single-handedly, and I don't think either McCain or Bush are up to the savior role either.

My bet at the moment is that Bush will win big on March 7 (Super Tuesday, how football-ian of them), and McCain will hang on till the convention, but really be more of an annoyance than a voice. I'm sure Grandma will be quite happy about this.

But Bush won't beat Gore--and not just because of the name thing. G.W. is convincing people he's the next Republican juggernaut because people know his name and his father--but they forget that former President Bush was called a sellout by none other than Rush Limbaugh. Rush was brutal about Bush's presidency, basically saying that Bush tarnished and brought down the party Reagan worked so hard to build up. That's not much of a legacy to run on. I'm not sure how Rush is characterizing the younger Bush, but it wouldn't surprise me if Rush was on the Bush bandwagon. Neither Rush nor Reagan could remember what they said the day before unless they were prepped on it over the morning coffee.

But the desperation inherent in claiming kinship with Reagan characterizes the Republicans this year. They really really really really want to win. And even if that means they decimate themselves before September, they're gonna do it.

Instead of running farther and farther to the edge like Bradley, McCain is pushing toward the center. This makes that big mud pit in the middle the fight zone. By the time it's all over, Bush and McCain will look up, see Gore holding the big prize (a united party, a majority in the polls), and realize that neither of them are Reagan. They're both Doles, soon to be on the dole.

Matt Worley isn't the next anybody, which would be a problem if he really wanted to be someone else.