I commute fifteen miles to and from work everyday. All the way across town from an area the people I work with consider "scary." I'd characterize the people who live in my neighborhood as lower middle class, virtually the same as the people I work with (upper management notwithstanding). Traffic is on my mind from the time to time. The nature of it, the patterns, how to "shoot the gap," which are those wide open spaces of road between bunches of cars. I love to shoot the gap. I love to drive. It's like being in a speeding bullet, except I control the bullet. Of course, my target is work. And I travel fifteen miles to and from work because they pay me to. They pay me well, considering that I've got no prior experience in the field I work in.

We're all whores.

This isn't anything new, really, but sometimes I think there are people out there who delude themselves into thinking they're the pimps. They're in charge of all us hookers and, therefore, above it all. But we're all whores, don't fool yourself.

There are a few high profile whores masquerading as pimps garnering a bunch of attention in this election year. They act like they're pimping new ideas, radically different thoughts about how all of us are going to live when they get elected. They act like they're idealistic when they've already been gang banged in the back alley by lobbyists, fanatics and their fellow tramps.

I go back and forth about all of this Presidential Election hoopla. I guess we should be very interested what these people are saying. I'm sorry, what these white, old, tired men are saying. We should be trying to decide who we like the best so we can push the button in November. I'd like to think the next month is crucial--like this is where all the good action is gonna be taking place. The big two candidates will be chosen in the next month. The pretenders will be exposed and disposed of like used condoms on Sunday mornings.

The Republican elites hate John McCain. I haven't totally figured this one out yet. It's not that the guy isn't electable, there's something else going on. Somewhere along the line McCain rubbed a bunch of people the wrong way, and all those old grudges are coming out this week. Pat Robertson is nit-picking McCain to death about his campaign finance reform bills, while he defends Bush's death penalty stance by saying the Bible mandates pro-death penalty laws with the old "eye for an eye" defense. G.W.'s mom admonishes McCain for calling her son a liar--even while her son uses the same language to attack Veteran John. I wonder what would happen if a Republican hated by most of the Republican congress gets elected President. Will it be just like getting a Democrat elected Prez while the Republicans still control both the House and Senate?

Democrats are going a slightly different route. They've got a couple of boring windbags trying to seem hip and exciting. Bradley got endorsed by Michael Jordan (Wear Nike, drink Gatorade, vote for Bradley!), Gore casts himself as the underdog, even though he's won every primary race so far. But I can't listen to these guys for too long, they're just so damn boring with their routine speech stumping. Or maybe that's shtupping, I'm not sure.

The Reform Party, thought a couple of months ago as a threat to break the election into a true three party contest, is going down in flames--like it's done every in Presidential election year since Perot jumped in and out and in during the long hot summer of 1992. The Reform Party has so many factions, they can't even keep it together for an entire campaign. It's like trying to get ten cokeheads to decide on where to eat dinner. Why eat? Let's just grind on till morning and see who's still standing.

As for me, I've got the same questions. Why do we spend billions of dollars to promote good health (i.e. the drug war, the cigarette war, the fat war and the gun war) instead of spending billions making sure everyone is covered in case they actually have bad health? Why do we spend billions in corporate incentives so those making money can make even more but tell our schools they've got to make due with lottery money and ever shrinking state education budgets? And why are parents so worried about outside influences on children with their mouths while handing them money with their backhands, telling them to figure out some way to amuse themselves to get them out of their hair?

Issues, smissues--when we all get down to it, what we really want is to not worry. Not worry about where the money flow is coming from. Not worry about what our kids are doing. Not worry about living. And as long as we keep commuting to those great jobs we hate (but can't live without), everything will be fine.

So it doesn't matter where these candidates stand, really. All we have to answer is this: Do we want a Vietnam Vet Senator, the Governor of Texas, an ex-NBA player/Senator or the current Vice President. Simple, easy, fits on a business card.

There's a new game at the campaign casino. It's called pick a dick. Make your choice and open wide. Cause they're already spewing like fire hoses at a four alarm fire.

Matt Worley has been accused of excessive hyperbole in some opponents' thirty-second TV advertising. His official response is "They're always going negative against me, but I will stay on positive tip. Unlike those lying bastards."