Let me say one thing right off: It doesn't matter who wins the next Presidential Election. My belief is that whoever wins will only last one term. I don't have any scientific data to back up my opinion, just this one thought: All of these guys are lame ducks.

But we're at the beginning of a new century (and when the next prez is sworn in, it will be a new century even to all the persnickety mathematicians who keep pushing their glasses up their nose and saying, "Well, technically, 2001..."), and no one wants to rock the boat yet. We're all trying to keep our hopes and momentum going. And so we've got this sock covered soft knuckle fight between lame-os (Lame-O's, the new breakfast cereal brought to you by the two major parties of the United States! Mmmmm....bland, just like we like it!).

Watching an interview with George W. Bush this morning, the differences between this guy and everyone else are not clear. Even though he's a Republican, he's spouting the same old thing. Tax cuts (everyone is pushing one, because there is a lot of money flying around the government these days); disarm every other country (except us, of course, we've got "security" to think about); talk hard to China, but keep slapping them on the back (has anyone noticed that 50% of everything we buy is at least partially made in China? And we're mad about what, exactly?).

He supports don't ask, don't tell (a Clinton-ism that smacks of the PC-ism that makes all our offices these days sterile like an operating room), supports "life," but won't push for anything more than outlawing "partial birth" abortions (the new Republican soft-line on this touchy subject), and says that the Braves are doing the right thing about John Rocker--which is mostly nothing.

So maybe it's this last set of beliefs that makes me cringe--even though I'm pretty sure that the difference between having Gore or Bush in the White House will be the make of pick-up truck with the bumper sticker that says "Don't look at me, I didn't vote for him."

Maybe it's time for a Republican to be in the White House. Democrats haven't been able to truly bitch about the President (did you notice that even when the Prez was being impeached, most of the Democrats were off golfing?) for almost a decade, and everyone needs a little bitch time.

And so I'll use this time to start the bitching. Just imagine that Bush, Jr. is Prez. Don't worry, it'll only be for a few minutes.

The Republican platform as it stands says that all unborn children should be protected under the 14th amendment. Here's what the 14th amendment says:

"All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside. No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the law."

There are a few other provisions, but this is the main one. The one that says "born or naturalized" and "no state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges...of citizens." This would seem (say, if I was a judge) to say that 1. The unborn aren't anything until they're born, so it doesn't matter what we think of them, and 2. Don't ask, don't tell is unconstitutional.

But these are just technicalities. Judges have said for years that the U.S. military isn't always subject to federal law (usually the word "security" is used somewhere in the judgment). And the Republicans have always had it in their hearts to change or make a new amendment about the unborn.

How 'bout if I just make one little statement (like all those presidential hopefuls out there) and leave it at that for this week?

The U.S. military is just like any other corporation in this country. They hire, fire, promote and pay just like any other company. They should follow the same rules as any other company. All companies, under the 14th Amendment, have no right to discriminate because of race, creed or sexual orientation. Don't ask, don't tell makes it seem as if gays are breaking a law of some kind. This is discriminatory. Same goes for all those "definition of marriage" laws that keep floating around.

And unless someone wants to make the first sentence in the 14th Amendment to say "All persons unborn, born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside," then it doesn't matter what personal feelings anyone has. There is no way to protect something that isn't born because it doesn't exist anywhere except in the mother. And the mother is more than a vessel, she's a person, too.

So on with the races. I'm sure I'll have to get all anal about something else someone says in the next few weeks. It's in my nature.

Matt Worley would have already fired John Rocker's ass if he was in charge.