At the bottom of the CNN Headline Ticker, I get to check my scores of my sports teams. On Sundays during football season, I can check and see how my teams are doing if the networks decide to show another Dallas Cowboys game (this just in--the Cowboys suck this year). Since the election, there has been a new tidbit of information in the bottom right hand corner of my sports ticker: Florida Update--Bush Leads by 930 Votes.

How long has this game been going on? When is the score going to change? The recount has been going on for weeks now, and G.W. still leads by the same margin. No one has scored for a while now. I never thought the Republicans and Democrats were defensive juggernauts, but they've been playing to a stalemate for days. What quarter are they in? Is this still the first half? Each side keeps making moves to have the game extended, and they appear to have an unlimited amount of time outs. Who has the rule book? How many times can a team sue on first down? I know the game can't end on a penalty, but there's a point where you have to keep the hanky tucked and the whistle out of your mouth. Let them play, for God's sake. When did the zebras start controlling the game? This just in--Bush Leads by 930 Votes.

Then, there's the media, showing us endless reenactments of people might possibly have voted on punch ballots. Whose idea was it to count votes on people's intent instead of what actually occurred? If you can't correctly express your vote for president by punching out a little hole, then you don't deserve to have your vote counted. People should have a little more gumption when voting for president. It's not like we're rechecking the 3rd district judicial retainer box. Any dimples or hanging chads should be thrown out. If a person couldn't definitively punch a hole, then their vote is void. For those of you who are just joining us, Bush now leads by 930 votes in Florida.

"I think American people are patient. I think the American people want to make sure this gets done right. I think the American people..."

All the American people I know are bored with this. I'm bored with this. They say if Gore somehow pulls it out, he stole the election. They say if Bush pulls it out, it's because he manipulated the vote. History will be much kinder to the gracious loser (if there is one).

It's been very difficult to force this column out of me, but how can I ignore it? As I peek at football scores, there's that right corner where the score never changes. I try to find out what else is going on in the world, and I learn about another suit each party has filed.

"But this is keeping with what the founding fathers wanted. The founding fathers set up this intricate system so that we would get the rightful winner in office. The founding fathers..."

When George Washington left office after two terms as president, he warned the nation against going to a two party system. He said it would lead to gridlock and endless turmoil. The nation promptly went to a two party system, and nonpartisanship has not been attempted since. I'm surprised no one sued Washington for making derogatory remarks about our government.

All I want is the score to change. Can't Gore narrow the lead? Can't Bush push through a couple more touchdowns to seal the deal? Why isn't the score changing? Pull out some trick plays, a little misdirection. You can't sue every play! They're stuffing eight men in the box! Somebody go long! Somebody turn the ball over! Somebody score! Why isn't the game over? Why isn't the game over? Why isn't the game over?

Chris Jungle wants a president who spreads good cheer, brings us toys once a year if we're good, and shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly.