There's always another crazy one.

Upon visiting my folks in the Midwest, the front page of the newspaper has been full of stories about a man named John Edward Robinson Sr. Authorities discovered the bodies of two women stuffed in barrels on Robinson's property, and they are linking the man to six other missing persons and a baby dating back to 1984. Posing as a businessman and philanthropist, Robinson sought out young women and unwed mothers saying he wanted to help them get on their feet. At least for a couple of them, he helped them get in a barrel.

It can't happen here.

People move to different parts of the country to "get away" from all the craziness. The people in Columbine said time and time again that their tragedy wasn't supposed to take place in the suburban area. The problem with crazy people is that they really don't rationally plan where their crimes will place. The Branch Dividians burned in Waco, Texas, and Timothy McViegh blew up the federal building in Oklahoma City because that's where the ATF officials were stationed. Roman Polanski never did anything to Charlie Manson, but that didn't stop the world's #1 serial killer from popping by for a visit. Whitman climbed up to the top of the clock tower at the University of Texas in Austin. The Unabomber sent packages. Robinson made the girls come to him. Trying to find rhyme or reason in crazy people is like pulling thread off a spool to see what's underneath. Crazy people don't make sense because they're crazy, and what's underneath the thread on a spool is a spool (you probably knew those answers, but I wanted to say it anyway).

He's such a nice boy, he used to mow my lawn.

All of his neighbors say Robinson was a quiet man who wasn't known to cause any trouble. If that's not the clearest indication of guilt, I've been watching too many movies. Two types of people commit the most heinous crimes. The people you'd most likely suspect, and the people you'd least likely suspect.

What drives a man to a deviant plan.

Nothing feeds a crime like getting away with it. If it turns out that Robinson's first victim was in 1984, he's probably kept with it so long because no one caught him. Why did he do it in the first place? I'm sure you can come up with a number of external reasons-bad childhood, rejection from women, The White Album, the dog told him to do it, reading too many Joseph Conrad books, etc. No matter how many songs you hear, experiences you have, or books you read, it all comes down to one thing. There's a little part in the brain that should say "You know, luring young naive women to your place and killing them is not a good idea. Let's play one-man Yatzee instead." But some people don't listen to their conscience unless it comes to them in the form of a cricket named Jiminy (a crazy idea in itself). With serial killers, there will always be the question of why and never be an acceptable answer.

Busted.

Robinson was caught via the Internet. In his quest to lure young ladies to the Midwest, he had to do some cyber-surfing. Chat rooms, e-mails, random post-its. I've never been one to search the electronic world for dates or jobs, but I also understand I'm in the minority. The bottom line is that whatever you say on-line has a chance of being spotted by the police. I have hundreds of columns just waiting to be used against me.

Innocent until proven.

Before everyone goes off the handle on Mr. Robinson, he hasn't been charged with murder although prosecutors have linked him to five bodies and four missing persons from the 1980s. Robinson's lawyers are already using the tactic of lashing out at the biased media and inability to have a fair and impartial jury (the moves of a guilty defendant). The lawyers also said that nothing factual has been proven in a court of law yet. Of course, the police are still compiling evidence (which is why they haven't charged him with murder yet), so the trial hasn't started yet. Nevertheless, it doesn't look good for John Edward Robinson Sr. You shouldn't keep the bodies of women in barrels on your property for any reason. He won't be remembered in the long run, other than the random "remember that guy who" comments. He's just another wacko in a long line of wackos.

Just keep your eyes open because there's probably a few at work right now.

Chris Jungle is far too lazy to become a serial killer.