Welcome to the twenty-first century. It's Sunday, January 2, 2000, and I spent much of the first day of the century recovering from my own excess (thank you South Park and Bowl Games). As my mind solidifies, I'm going to run through the headlines from The Albuquerque Journal and comment on them. Fair enough?

A New Year, A New Day--Recaps of celebrations, the lack of Y2K bugs, births and people who lived in three different centuries. I think the fact that we decided not indulge in mass destruction speaks volumes for humanity. We may be considered a civilized world yet.

Other Side of Gore is Affable, Inquisitive--The race for the White House has officially begun in my eyes. Everything before now has just been money collecting and posturing. Expect to hear more than you want to know about Gore, Bradley, Bush and McCain. Even from me.

Schulz Draws Farewell Strip-- My mom kept old Peanuts books, including the thirty-second printing of the first one. I read them all. In its heyday, nothing else compared. Even now, it's as funny as most strips, but that's not saying much. You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

Ventura Makes Magazine List--Jesse Ventura is one of the most intriguing people of 1999 according to People Magazine. Is this news?

Hostages Recount Terror, Tedium--What would the end of the year be without a little botched terrorism? Some day, even Islamic fundamentalists will realize the hypocrisy of hijacking ordinary citizens in hopes of freeing their brethren. Besides, hijacking is so 1980's.

Wal-Mart Opens Larger Web Site--Good to know. I wish I could get free press/advertising like that.

Grozny Endures 'Nightmare' Pounding From Jets, Artillery--Remember what I said about becoming more civilized? I guess it comes and goes.

A New Era In New Mexico--Pretty much a continuation of the New Year celebration. Babies and old people. Always good stories to put the numbers in perspective. I'll be 125 in 2100. I better brag about it now just in case I don't quite make it.

World Reflects, Cleans Up After Its Biggest Party--When we party, we make a big mess. When we reflect, we make a big mess. It's nice to know that someone is cleaning up after us. In some ways, we're all big babies.

Clinton Sees World Role For Nation--I wasn't around, but didn't Roosevelt say almost the exact same thing in 1900? We'll see if Clinton sends our naval fleet around the world for no good reason.

Putin Quick To Assert Powerful Post--Yeltsin's out, Putin's in. Russia's going to have an interesting century. I'm not saying whether it will be good or bad, but it will be interesting.

So there you have it. Sometimes I wonder why I bother to read the newspaper, and sometimes I wonder why a lot of people don't. I figured I should talk about this particular medium, seeing as this might be the last century the newspaper ever sees.

Chris Jungle has been mistaken for a reporter on several occasions.