Let me remind you once again: Without me, you'd be nothing. You'd be some idiot college professor at some rundown, underfunded college. You'd be nobody.

I don't need to remind you that I didn't have to call the elections for last week. I had a year to play with. Nothing had to happen before next year. But I called the elections early because I wanted to assure the people that they are in charge of the country. Yugoslavia is a democracy; don't you forget that.

You're angry about making voters show their ballots to the officials. You think I cheated you out of votes? It's just the opposite. I put all those restrictions on the voting so that the people would feel confident that the process is fair. Your people saw the votes just like mine did. How do you think you got the counts that you have? Your numbers were wrong, of course, but how do you think you had any idea how voting went? I created a fair and just election. I am the man who kept Yugoslavia free.

So don't come around here, calling me a dictator or a strongman. Am I telling you what to do? No, I'm sitting down talking to you. We're just two decent Serbs, sitting around a table, smelling the roast pig and talking. What could be more natural?

Don't you say I rigged the elections. That's not true. You saw the votes just like I did. The whole world saw what happened. There's no way I could have rigged them. All I did make sure that the real voice of the people would be heard.

You want me to call you the winner? Okay, fine, you got the most votes in the first round. The best, most qualified officials counted those votes, and you got forty eight percent. Not fifty one. Forty eight. That's not a majority. I believe in majority rule. You did not get a majority. Stop your miserable whining.

I made you, don't you see that? You would be nothing without me. I didn't have to allow you to take part in the election. But I believe in the following the will of the people, so I allowed your name to be on the ballot. Do you think anyone would have voted for you if I wasn't standing on the other side? Of course not. Without me, you're just another angry intellectual. I eat your kind for breakfast every day of the year.

You want me to turn over the government to you right now?. But I'm a good guy. A fair man. A man of my word. Let me make you an offer you can't refuse. You tell me you want a runoff? Fugettaboudit! Done! We have a runoff on October 8. Winner take all. And if you get more votes, and if you're alive at the end of the day, I'll walk right out of here. You can even arrest me and turn me over to whatever authority you like.

Like I said, I'm a fair man. A man of my word. You agree to the runoff, and we'll let the people decide.

The runoff. You won't be president without it. Come on, it's time for a little national unity, right? Good Serbs have to stand together. Join me at the table and we'll have a nice little election.

Ah, enough talk about work. Carve into the sisance! Can I get you a beer?

Jon Worley wonders if Slobodan Milosevic remembers what happened to the Ceausescus in Romania.