When you've got a whole week off from work and you want to take a cheap vacation, there's only one thing to do: Mooch off your friends. Some of you may be more adept at this than others, so I've prepared some special tips that should make your free time ,well, more free.

1. Encourage your friends to rent vacation houses. Keep pestering them until they agree to let you come stay with them.

This is really the key right here. Those beachfront condos can go for more than a grand a week, and you don't want to pony up that kind of cash. If you can steal a spot in someone else's house, you've already accomplished a great deal.

2. Let your friends arrive first and buy all of the food, toys, etc.

This will take some restraint, but arriving a little late will keep the bucks in your pocket (where they belong). Arrive late in the afternoon or evening, after your patrons have hit the grocery store, the beach shop, etc. All you have to do is ...

3. Offer to cook, do the dishes, etc.

No one said freeloading didn't involve work. But by doing these seemingly difficult (but generally easy) tasks, you will restore good will and your friends won't recognize that you are ripping them off blind.

4. Buy the beer.

This is more of a personal rule for me. I don't like most mass-produced beer, so I either bring homebrew or find a store that sells something interesting. This can be a problem at the beach (where convenience stores stock Bud by the ton but claim they've never even heard of Sam Adams), but perseverance always pays off.

5. Be nice.

See, again, this is where you make help to erase the fact that, in fact, you're crashing for free in someone else's house. Practice these phrases: "My God, that suit looks amazing on you!," "Dude, have you been working out?" and "That sunburn doesn't look bad at all." In no time your benefactors will consider your presence payment enough.

6. Don't be grabby.

That is, once you've wangled your invitation. For example, if your friends have purchased body boards (before you arrived, natch) and you want a ride, don't just pick one up and head into the surf. Go way out, where the surfboarders are, tread water for a few minutes and wait for your pals to feel sorry for you. You'll get a board in no time, and they'll be the ones apologizing.

7. Don't worry about your freeloading.

More importantly, don't whine about it to your friends. Nothing brings a party down faster than some chump saying "Gosh, I could never afford such a cool pad on my buck twenty-five an hour gig at Bojangles." You're at the beach, idiot. Remember, your friends really can't afford the place either. They're going into credit card hell for six months to pay the bill. So don't remind them, okay?

8. Manage your drinking.

No one wants to hear you moaning about a hangover. So have one drink an hour. I mean that both ways: Have a drink every hour and no more. Your body takes an hour to oxidize the alcohol from one drink (we're talking about normal adults here). So if you have a drink every hour (starting with breakfast, of course), you'll always be on the cusp of a buzz without getting embarrassingly drunk. Or, to put it more succinctly, you'll be the life of the party and you won't puke. Always a good thing.

9. Always offer payment as you leave.

Unless the week has gone badly. Then just slink off. But if you've had a great time, chances are your friends will shoo away any proffers of cash. Whip out the checkbook twice, but never three times. They'll take it on the third try. This three-strikes-and-they-take-the-cash theory has been verified by psychologists.

10. Have a good time.

See, getting a free vacation is no good if it sucks. So do everything in your power to enjoy yourself. The rest will come naturally.

Jon Worley has tested the "three strikes" rule many times, always with satisfactory results.