Among the arguments made last week in favor of eliminating the "marriage penalty" from the income tax code was that it didn't help just "rich people." Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison from Texas gave the example of a couple that earned $32,000 and $30,000 at their jobs (I think she referred to them as a policeman and teacher, but I'm not sure) and asked, "Are they rich?"

Maybe. Hard to say.

When I was a kid, I had an easy way of defining if you were rich. If your parents didn't argue all to hell when bills came due and simply paid them instead, your family was rich. If your parents bitched and moaned about how they were going to have to find money to pay for that 10-minute conversation your mom had with her mother, well, you weren't rich.

So let's apply this to our $62,000 couple. If they have no kids, no loans other than a mortgage (of, let's say, $125,000) and they pay off their credit cards every month, then yes, they're rich. They likely have enough money for all necessities and a few niceties. Like buying the good cheese, as one of my esteemed LCN colleagues would say. A rich couple.

Now let's try this again. Same income, but with a couple kids, a couple car loans, student loans, a mortgage and credit card debt. I'd say Maggie and Steve (like those names? Substitute your own if you don't) are carping at each other when the bills come in, particularly when Steve's hundred-dollar spree at the liquor store shows up on Citibank card #3. That couple is definitely not rich.

I'm not gonna make any bones about it: My wife Barbara and I are rich. When those marketing surveys come around in the mail (I always fill out the survey, though I neglect to include my name or any other personal info) our combined incomes are usually in the second-highest or highest bracket. We make nice dough. We have no kids. Our only debt is a mortgage that's significantly less than $125,000.

We buy the good cheese.

Barbara tells me that if the good folks in D.C. wipe out that darned "marriage penalty," we'll rake in $255 at the end of the year. Not a bad sum. Enough to rework the electrical stuff in the attic or plunk a nice bit of memory into our aging bitmuncher. But not enough to change our lives. Not enough for the hot tub.

See, I think you're rich if your biggest money concern is figuring out how to justify to the wife that you really need a new deck put on the house right outside the bedroom, and that a hot tub should be installed on said deck. Technically, we could afford this luxury, but there are a few other concerns higher on the list. I simply have to keep coming up with better excuses for the hot tub. Don't worry, I've got plenty of good ones.

So hate me. I'm a rich guy. But I'm so rich, damnit, that I really don't care if the marriage penalty goes away or not. It doesn't matter to me. And while I know a few parsimonious idiots who just might avoid marriage because of the tax consequences, there just aren't that many of those folks around. Most are like me and a good number of my friends. We'd take that $255 and increase the family beer budget. Though to be honest, I already buy the beer and wine I like, damn the cost.

That's what's nice about living the good life. Sure, my roof leaks sometimes when it rains. Barbara and I drive '91 and '90 Hondas (okay, the 90 is an Acura). We take our lunches to work as often as not. We aren't ostentatious. But we can afford to buy what we like. That $13 can of crab for crab dip? In the basket, no questions asked. A few cases of fine Pennsylvanian beer procured by a friend? Write the check without checking the balance. The car needs a new A/C and that's gonna cost a pretty penny? Go right ahead, Mr. Mechanic. Barbara and I don't argue about the bills when they come in. In fact, I take care of them without even telling her. No worries. We're fat and happy.

So who gives a flying crap about the "marriage penalty"? "They" are just gonna put the screws to us somewhere else. This is one of those issues that had to be invented to be believed. Now, how about a bill to repeal the tax on beer? Hey, I'm right behind that mother. Power to the inebriated!

Jon Worley is working to repeal the North Carolina law which bans the sale of any beer that contains more than 6% alcohol by volume.