There are people who try to hang themselves--just a little--so as to improve orgasm. Some do this with a partner, and others do it by themselves. Michael Hutchence, the singer for INXS, is thought to have been engaging in this practice when he killed himself a couple years back.

Being a member of the safe-sex generation, I've come across a better idea. And it came from a very strange source: Rhus radicans, better known as poison ivy.

I've had the stuff now for about a while. And while I'm not exactly sure where those red bumps on my arms came from, I assume poison ivy is the culprit. I know I was clearing a bunch of the nasty stuff out of my backyard a while back, and then two weeks ago the lesions showed up.

True to form, the first blisters are healing up nicely after their two week run. And luckily, I haven't had much of a scratching problem. The stuff itches, but I learned a special trick: Hot showers.

Extremely hot water will help to burn off the histamines that are produced by a poison ivy infection. As you might guess, over-the-counter antihistamines also work nicely. A shower and a pill every 12 hours has kept me fairly comfortable.

And then there's the unexpected benefit, the single connection between auto-erotic strangulation and poison ivy: The super itch. If histamines produce an annoying itch, then it stands to reason speeding up their departure would produce a prodigious irritation. This is most definitely true.

The effect is not unlike scratching yourself until you bleed. There is a physical satisfaction that comes with tearing infected skin to shreds. You remember, of course. That certain shiver you got after about a minute of furious nail-to-skin contact with a bug bite, the chicken pox or even poison ivy.

Perhaps your first orgasm reminded you of this experience. Probably not, though. Because this monster itch, a burn, really, is better compared to that moment before orgasm, when you you've put in the work and you can feel everything going downhill toward release. This is the time when any friction or pressure applied to whatever erogenous zone is being stimulated has the maximum pleasurable effect. Sensitivity is at an all-time high. The feeling is so overwhelmingly intense that the release of orgasm comes as a comfort. I've got a theory that it's that feeling, rather than the release itself, that we're after when we chase the orgasm .

Hitting infected areas with scalding hot running water produces the very same effect. And the burn continues until the histamines all bleed away. This takes between one and two minutes per infected area.

As you can guess, I've been taking long, hot showers lately.

The after-effects of the histamine burn are similar to post-orgasmic chill as well: Fatigue, soreness in the stimulated areas and a general need to sleep. I suppose those with a tobacco jones probably would crave a cigarette.

Now I'm not, shall we say, attempting to augment the effect of the itch during these showers. There's no need. I get about 10 minutes of that ultra-intense burn, and that's enough. I get a large taste of that prized "tween" feeling, and I'm pretty well sated. Any further stimulation is unnecessary and, quite honestly, unwanted.

I would not suggest intentionally infecting yourself with poison ivy. In particular, don't rub the stuff on your genitals. The itch produced by the water is so overwhelming that it doesn't matter where the actual histamines are burning themselves off. You feel it everywhere. And trust me, you don't want the rest of the poison ivy problems affecting your personal regions. But if you happen to have the stuff, take a hot shower. Aim that hot water right onto the affected area. You'll get the desirable reduction in itching (which lasts for 6 to 12 hours, a pretty cool trick in itself), and you'll also experience the wonders of the histamine burn.

Burn, baby, burn.

Despite this somewhat upbeat report, Jon Worley is ready for the poison ivy to go away. Right away. Without any more showers. And he means it.