Folks who don't live in southern Florida generally don't believe my tales of men with baseball bats showing up on university campuses (or anywhere else, for that matter) to beat up any speaker who might discuss possible rapprochement with Castro and Cuba.

Some of these non-believers are simple ideological zealots, who characterize any anti-Castro Cuban-American as a "freedom fighter," and then, using that analogy, go on to say something to the effect of "what's wrong with a little saber-rattling?"

These are the same folks who generally insist on a fundamentalist interpretation of the Constitution, except where it doesn't fit their purposes. They may not be idiots, but they're not worth worrying about.

The majority of the non-believers simply want to think that any citizen, from Cuba or anywhere else, wouldn't be so anti-American as to threaten another citizen's rights to free speech. It is this idealistic, and yet naive, belief that has been put to the test in the Elian Gonzalez case.

For those who have been otherwise preoccupied, I'm going to take as a given that you know the whole "his mother died to bring her boy to freedom" tale. I don't really care where you stand on the ideological telling of the story. Here's the thing: Elian's Miami relatives have figuratively taken up the baseball bats.

Basically, the people with authority in the case (everyone from the Attorney General to a number of judges) have said that Elian should be returned to his father. Period. One judge allowed the Miami family to keep the boy until the appeal was heard, but now that the family has lost again, they say they won't sign a pledge to give the boy up if all their appeals are exhausted. And they say they'll call on some friends to form a human chain around the house to prevent marshals from picking up Elian.

Now, I'll be up front about this: I think the boy should have been sent home post-haste, before all this crap erupted. But as long as the Miami family has a right to keep the boy while the court process moves along, I've also supported that. Of course, being a cynical bastard, I coulda told you weeks ago that this whole "you can't take him away from us" mess would happen. In fact, I'm sure Janet Reno expected it right from the start. She had a few experiences with the baseball bat crowd in Miami before venturing to D.C.

Right now, Elian's Miami relatives are acting like petulant children, carping and whining that the system isn't fair. Maybe not. Maybe in this case, it isn't. I don't believe that, but I could be wrong. Doesn't matter. Here's the deal: The folks who most vehemently want Castro out of Cuba probably don't want American-style democracy to replace him. They don't believe in it enough to adhere to a decision they don't like. And they're not willing to face the consequences of their actions, either.

If there is a law you don't like, the only way to respect your government is to figure out a legal way to get around the law or to violate the law and face the consequences. For example, all those people who went to Canada during the Vietnam War should have stayed home and faced the music. Period. Now, you might wonder where a Clintonite like me comes down on the Prez. Well, he found a legal way around the draft. A sneaky way, to be sure, but a vaguely legal one. Case closed.

Here's a case where Elian's family could prove its adherence to democratic ideals, rather than Batista-style dictatorship. The family members could sign a pledge to give the boy up if they lose their appeal (they don't have to give him up now), or they could simply give him up now. There is no way to keep the boy from going back to his father if the case is lost. There's too much publicity in the case and anyway, could anyone really believe that a life on the run in the U.S. is better than hard times in Cuba?

I'm really not trying to question the patriotism of recent immigrants, just their true commitment to the democratic ideals of our country. It's time for Elian's family to lower the baseball bats. Let the system work. It isn't perfect: Innocent people get executed, we drop bombs on people who have no idea why the sky is falling and the only qualification for national office seems to be excessive personal wealth (or a strong connection to wealth). But as Winston Churchill said, it's the worst system out there, except for all the others.

It's time Elian's family finally decided to play ball with the rest of the country.

Jon Worley is envious of anyone who has the slightest amount of talent wielding a baseball bat.