I have been watching the Democratic National Convention on TV. Parts of it at least. There's this prevailing thought that we, as a country, have this innate need to keep getting better and better. We're not the best we're gonna be, there's more to come from us. It's a cool idea. I look around to other countries--this is not the prevailing thought. So I have to ask the question, what the hell were those founding fathers smoking when they came up with "all men are created equal" and "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness?" And what was it they thought we could better?

I can see it now. It's a warm summer day in Philadelphia. The guys are sitting around bitching about England. There aren't any women around, so they all have their shirts half open, and their pants are off exposing the ubiquitous boxer shorts. They aren't getting anywhere on the whole tax thing, no one can come up with a good idea other than they don't want to send England any more money. Washington gets an idea and calls his slave over (who's been standing over by the wall watching the proceedings with the other slaves, probably wondering idly why exactly he has the misfortune of being a slave). The slave listens, scurries off and then returns a few minutes later with a bushel of pot and an array of pipes.

"This is the good stuff I was telling you all about," Washington tells his friends. Soon the fathers are baking nicely in the afternoon heat.

"You know what would be super cool," one of them says. "It would be just so randy if we could do what the devil we pleased."

"That's what I'm talking about," an enthused delegate chimed in.

"No, I mean, we create a country where people just do what they want. There are rules, but nothing too harsh. We can't have anarchy, but we could get close."

"How do you mean, my hip, good man?" Washington has a strange look on his face.

"Well, we could be in charge officially--of course, but everyone else can do whatever they can to make a lot of money or have a lot of sex or whatever."

"Or maybe I could just build kites," Franklin says.

"Is someone writing this down?" Washington asks.

"I'm on it, Captain," Madison says, hurrying his quill over extra paper.

"General, Madison. I'm a General," Washington corrects.

"Of course!" says Madison.

"But what about the poor?" some stoned delegate asks from near the back of the room.

This question brings silence to the group. The slaves fidget amongst themselves. They hate it when the fathers get like this. Sometimes they get it in their heads to have whipping contests.

"Well, we aren't talking about the poor, are we?" Washington asks, and then erupts in laughter. "I mean, only people with money get to do what they want, right?" The laughter continues for a few minutes.

"We could let them say what they want for free--and let them have guns!"

"Oh, I say. Do we really want the poor to have guns?" Washington asks.

"For hunting and sport. And it will make them feel more important."

"Oh, good call, my man," Washington slaps a fellow father on his back and takes another toke.

I'm sure it didn't happen quite that way. But you do have to wonder why they thought something like democracy would work in a world ruled by kings and queens. And how did it work out that, while a lot of other things don't work well in this country, this perceived freedom gives us the best in leisure time activities? We've got quality TV and motion pictures (at least in terms of technology, and in many ways--except for a few British movies and TV shows--more entertaining), the best music (we can even blame the "Macarena" on another country), and everyone knows we've got the best theme parks and fast food chains. We're the ones who invented baseball and football for crying out loud--well, American Football at least.

So maybe we're a little bit frigid when it comes to sex. And there are only certain times you can say bad words (usually it's on live shows without the five second delay). Certainly we've got a problem with accepting drugs (which, given my earlier hypothesis, seems quite hypocritical, don't you think?), but most of the good drugs come from other countries, so really that's a trade issue.

The point is that all our freedom and democracy may make us sweep our problems under the rug (homeless, I don't see no homeless in Atlanta), but we make up for it with fun things to do during our down time. We can watch TV, go to a movie, catch a game on the tube, ride the coolest roller coasters and dance to the best music--all courtesy of Americans. And that's what the founding fathers really wanted--something to do after they'd made all their money and were baking nicely under those pretty powdered wigs.

Lisa Black is busy finishing her screenplay, "Big George and Little Thomas Go Catting". She lives in Seattle.