I've had this quote on my personal e-mail signature for a month or two. It's from a Willie Nelson song called "Pancho & Lefty."

"All the Federales say, 'We coulda had him any day.' They only let him slip away out of kindness, I suppose."

The dreaded "October Surprise" of this 2004 election year is that the U.S. would finally find and capture Osama bin Laden. This, of course, would make Kerry look like a bit of a fool, since he's been hammering Bush on the issue of letting bin Laden slip away in favor of bombing the shit out of Iraq.

Yesterday in the paper, the Pentagon declared they know exactly where bin Laden is. They just can't get to him at the moment. He's in Pakistan. We're not allowed to operate in Pakistan. And, of course, we respect the sovereignty of established nations enough to not press the Pakistanis about letting us in to pick him up.

In other related news, the Pentagon also said they finally found their own asshole and will begin clean up immediately--or as soon as they pull out that very large stick.

In about a week, our nation will go to the polls. Many have done so already, thanks to early voting. And even though I know exactly who I'm voting for (and even my stance on state and city bond issues and so forth), I'm waiting until the 2nd to punch the buttons. I guess I'm a sentimental fool.

I encourage everyone who is registered (because, if you're not, screw you, you're too late) to make your voice heard. I don't care what side you are on, just pick one (if you haven't already) and watch next Tuesday night to see what happens.

As far as the Presidential race goes, there are many reasons to vote for either candidate. But it is actually very simple. I'm not sure if simple reasons or excuses make people more or less happy about voting, but it seems pretty clear to me.

If you are afraid of change, vote Republican.

If you don't like what has happened in this country during the last four years and want change, vote Democrat.

And to put a nail in the Nader coffin, if you want to live on a small island populated with monkeys who throw shit at passing whales, vote for one of the many "third" party candidates.

I see this as simple because it's really about people's willingness to change. I know it's hard.

There are people who decide to stay the same every day of their lives. Sometimes a woman stays with a man who beats her. We wonder about that woman, because we know she is hurting. We know she's not happy, but still, she won't take the step to get away from someone who is slowly killing her.

I've been at my job for five years. I can't say I've always been happy. But I keep getting up and going. Maybe I stay just to prove the trickle down economic theory is a large piece of horseshit spread on rye.

I have to be honest. I wouldn't be voting for Bush this year even if he didn't go to war with Iraq. If 9/11 hadn't happened and the boy dithered around with no purpose and too much time on his hands (like he was doing before the towers fell), I'd still be voting for someone else.

But after watching excuses for bombing the shit out of Iraq reveal themselves to be hollow shells, I truly wonder how anyone can vote for Bush with a straight face. It's not a stretch or treasonous to say this administration lied to the American people and the rest of the world in order to go to war in Iraq and--I don't even know what their reason for the war is anymore. I don't think they know either. When you lie and lie and lie and then have to look back and try to figure out what you were lying about, it gets pretty hazy.

You may have noticed I haven't said much about John Kerry. The reason is simple: I want change and I will take an unknown quantity just to get away from the swinging fist of this corrupt administration.

I can only tell the emergency ward doctors I fell down the stairs so many times before they start to wonder. Especially since I don't have any stairs to fall down.

Matt Worley endorses any and all Democrat candidates for the House, Senate and White House. Let's kick the bullies out of power.