I should be one of those people who does everything online. I have no fear of technology, I can type pretty fast, and, a few years ago with a friend, began investing in the Internet. So I should be completely over actually going to stores and picking out gifts. Even banking at a real bank or shopping at the grocery store should happen in the coded walls of cyberspace. I should be pointing and clicking my way around, rather than running through the isles with a basket that constantly turns to the left and runs into unsuspecting passersby. And while I support these online endeavors 100%, I have only sparingly taken part in the online shopping "revolution."

Of course, it is much easier to trade stocks online. No phone call holds that last 20 minutes, no huge commissions on little trades, no spurious advice from people who know just about as much as I do about the nature of the market. But shopping? That great visceral experience of wading through stacks and stacks of product, finding the stuff I want and then holding on for dear life as I wait in line for the next "customer relations representative" to finish someone else's transaction. We're talking about tangible things--that's what shopping is all about. I want a CD, and I want it now. An hour or so after the purchase is made, I can be at home and a few songs into the new miraculous recording by Beck or the Beastie Boys.

But this year--it's the Christmas season, you see--I've been busy. I just began a new job a little over a month ago, and I've already pulled an extra Saturday of work. The disadvantages of being on salary, I guess. So my shopping days until Christmas are quickly winding down--especially for those relatives and friends who don't live near me. Not only do the gifts have to be bought way before the 25th, but they have to be in the mail, like, tomorrow.

The difference between buying online and buying at the store is simple: there is nothing tactile to immediately satisfy the buyers appetite for shopping. This goes for most of the things that happen online.

In chat rooms, the conversations scroll--usually a few minutes behind the actual conversation if your computer is not the fastest (like mine)--past your eyes. You can't hear voices or inflection (although in a year or so, we probably will), so irony and sarcasm are usually misinterpreted as being assholish. And the lexicon is quicker, shorthand-like actually.

The question "a/s/l?" is not a shorthand for "asshole," rather a shorthand question of age/sex/location? And the question "Do you want to cyber?" means, in a sense, do you want to try some one-handed typing? I found this out after a few conversations with female Australian students who thanked me at the end for "not asking me to cyber." Apparently, the quick online fix isn't only about skipping checkout lines.

And all of this is well and good. I use e-mail daily--both for work and personal messages. I "talk" to my family way more than if I had to rely on long distance phone calls. I check out news and stock updates. It's like a newspaper that doesn't have to be recycled and constantly updates itself. Of course, I still buy a newspaper because that's the only way I can read a really in depth analysis of anything. Most stories on the web are about as long as news briefs.

But this Christmas, I wanted to find some Star Wars figures that none of the stores I frequent ever had on the shelves. The only way to get these, I've found, is online. The toy stores may have a hard time keeping Mace Windu on the shelf, but they've got tons in their stock rooms. So, after a bit of hemming and hawing about shipping costs and wait times, I plunged into a click and buy frenzy. I am proud to say that, while many of my friends who also collect Star Wars figures had to hunt and search for those characters that didn't even show up in the movie, I just did a few swift clicks and they were mine. Or they were reserved for me.

You see, I haven't received anything I've bought yet. Because free shipping is only available if you wait 7 to 10 business days, I'm still waiting. But the thrill is still there. Christmas presents (not Star Wars figures) for others arrived from smaller venues (the best cyber shopping is always from those little companies in the backs of funky bookstores or someone's converted garage), and the arrival of the UPS man is always a treat.

Needless to say, this hasn't changed much about the way I shop. I still have done a fair amount of "brick and mortar" shopping, as they like to say these days. I still like the instant gratification of grabbing an armload of merchandise and walking out with it a few minutes later. But for those unique gifts (for myself or others) that most stores don't bother to stock regularly, online shopping can't be beat.

It's quick, convenient, and 7 to 10 business days later, the second part of that great shopping orgasm happens as the Xacto knife slices through the packing tape.

Matt Worley still plans to open and play with his new Star Wars figures when they arrive, because they're toys--not investments.