It started out with one of those Internet rumors. Or maybe it was just word of mouth. Someone tells someone else. And through all the forwards and re: forwards and idle conversation it became more than a rumor. It became a fact in some people's minds. The answer to everyone's dreams, a lottery you don't even have to enter to win.

I didn't believe it at first. I mean, I thought it was just one of those isolated crackpot things, but then I heard it from a couple of friends. And there was always this glint in the eye when they said it, like, maybe it was true. Like maybe it was going to happen.

But it's not.

Whatever happens on January 1, 2000, I can assure you of one thing. No matter how much you wish, hope and pray, you will still owe your credit card companies. Everyone's balance will not be magically turned to zero. There will be no free parking, and no one gets to pass GO on their way to the money store.

I say this because I fear one thing: a recession caused by national stupidity.

If, for example, thousands of people decide that maxing out their credit cards before the new year is the best way to usher in a new century, millennium, and all that, well, we're gonna have some problems.

There will be a rash of bankruptcies (and, no matter how tempting this sounds, remember that declaring personal bankruptcy makes it impossible to get credit for years afterward), interest rates will rise to cover the losses and possibly even trigger a nasty recession. This might give rise to The Grunge Years Part II, but otherwise, it's not as much fun to live in a recession as it is to live in a economic boom.

I'm sure everyone is familiar with the Y2K "bug" by now. It's not really a bug, but a shortcut. In order to save memory space back when memory was expensive, programmers left off the first two numbers of each year. And, while a lot of people noticed this problem, for the most part it was ignored. Apple was different, they fixed the problem way back before the first Macs--back when there were things called Apple IIe, when the max amount of memory a computer had was less than many jpeg files (64K).

But IBM and Microsoft--among many others--never changed their programming strategy. And now, anyone with really old computers--most of which are mainframes and not much connected to the machine you might be reading this on--is subject to a bit of a problem. And the definition of really old is relative. I'm talking about computers. So if the computer is older than a couple of years, well, that's really old.

There are two ways to fix this problem. Have a computer programmer go through a computer and all of its programs, figure out which components need patches and then fix everything. Or just buy a new system.

Guess which one most companies and small businesses did?

That's right, everyone bought new computers. It's easier, takes less time, and you don't have to pay someone over a hundred bucks an hour for "Y2K consulting."

And trust me when I say that all the credit card companies, banks and other financial institutions have fixed their problems. Because we're talking about business. We're talking about making money. And if you have to spend money to make sure that you hold on to the large majority of your money, you'll spend the cash. No one who is rich will be stupid enough to think that this Y2K problem will go away on its own. Because no one who is rich got there by sitting back and hoping--well, except for lottery winners and family inheritors.

But I'm sure there are people who still hold out against hope that they will be credit clean in the new year. That somehow they will get erased from some database and never have to pay back their charges for the latest in home fitness. Or that their new car will be free and clear after only a few pre-Y2K payments.

Here's the problem with that. If the financial companies and their computers forget who you are, then there is no money for you. No wages, no social security, no nothing. You will cease to exist and be flat broke in the process--and you won't even have a working credit card to buy food.

I guess what I'm saying is this: charge what you want, but realize the rules are not going to change in the new year. You'll still have to pay it back. You'll still be in debt. And you'll still have to live your life the same way you were living before.

Buying a lottery ticket gives you better odds than the ones you'll get if you bet everything against a Y2K computer collapse.

Matt Worley heard a rumor that racial bigotry, poverty and pro wrestling would be wiped out by the Y2K bug, but apparently that's just another pipe dream.