For one reason or another, I haven't been on vacation since 1996. Oh sure, there have been days off and occasionally the days off even equaled something resembling a vacation, but I haven't truly been free of work responsibilities since moving back to Albuquerque from Florida three years ago. And now, I've still got a week left before heading bull horns out into a new job.

So what am I doing?

I'm working. I'm trying to get everything I really need to do and everything I want to do done before my time runs out. And these things, of course, make no money for me whatsoever, so it is perfectly normal to being doing this kind of "free" work while on vacation. And I guess that pretty much sums everything up. I'm an idiot.

I get two weeks off to relax (okay, I've done that, what's next?), and I set up caffeinated days full of typing and scanning and writing notes. Gotta get that novel done before the time is up. Gotta get that web site up before it becomes "work after work," which is never the first thing I want to do when I get home. But most of all, I've got to clear out all of the built-up crap circling through my head the last three years so I don't jump into the new job as a damaged, and yet functional, new employee.

To be totally honest, I haven't been working all the time.

There has been a significant amount of sports (thanks to the playoffs and World Series), coupled with a significant amount of Tecate. I'm almost up to my post-college drinking weight of 3 to 4 beers a night. But this is a side effect of the vacation thing. And when you watch a lot of baseball, there must be beer. It's American, or something like that.

I stayed in bed for about an hour today thinking about when I should get up. Now that's being on vacation. I've stopped answering phones unless I'm terribly lonely and want to talk to the telemarketers. But mostly, I've stopped taking all this extraneous life stuff seriously. At least for the duration of the vacation.

The best thing has been the freedom. To sleep in. To stay up late. To do absolutely pointless activities like setting up a five-point candled pentagram in the middle of the living room floor and daring the devil to take control of my vacationing body (he declined and told me to get a haircut--fascist).

And the best thing about being on vacation, I don't have to worry about all the stupid stuff everyone else in the world is doing. Like the second Dole dropping out. Or more hurricanes. Or the fact that the Braves are in the World Series again--fascists!

So, here's my vacation gift to you. I'm gonna cut it short. No moral, no pithy observations, and no overwritten screed about how the world is coming down around our ears as we blissfully shop on the Internet. Nope. I'm done. See ya!

Matt Worley is a bit off this week.