In the wake of the Littleton Catastrophe, everyone had their say about why it happened and what could be done to change the system. Make it safer for every school kid. Make it easier for the adults to sit at home or work and not think that their child was possibly in danger of losing their lives. Make it nice and quiet and neat. Because that's the way life is supposed to be, right?

Nice, quiet, neat.

But it wasn't nice, quiet and neat following the deadly assault. It was the music! It was the movies! It was the video games! It was the guns! It was the parents! It was the gang of trenchcoated nihilists! It was everything and nothing!

If we could just get rid of all the stuff that makes living in America like no where else, then everything would be fine. We've raised monsters, but our world isn't monster proof. What the hell are we going to do?

I didn't sound off right after the tragedy because I knew everyone else would. There's a quick fix out there somewhere and we heard all the proposals.

Ban assault weapons! (duh...)
Better enforcement of movie and record ratings.
Prosecute parents for their kids' crimes (use the RICO act!).
Regulate gun shows!
Police the Internet.
Give teachers guns.
Put armed guards in schools.
Metal detectors.
Give kids flak jackets as part of the school uniform act.
Put a gold star on all the kid's foreheads who pass the new strenuous psychological tests.
Kick out the troublemakers.
Kick out the trenchcoat mafia.
Kick out Marilyn Manson.
Kick out Shirley Manson
Kill Charlie Manson instead of paying for the next thirty years of his life in jail.
Ban destructive behavior.
Vouchers! Vouchers! Vouchers!

A few weeks after the tragedy, a couple nights of KILLER TORNADOES struck the midwest. The killer tornadoes killed more people and destroyed more property than the Colorado Catastrophe, but no new legislation was brought up in state assemblies or on Capitol Hill in Washington to combat this new tornado menace. Y'know why? Because killer tornadoes are just nature, and we can't control nature.

We can't control nature.

Well, let me humbly propose something else. We can't control human nature either. All of the hundreds of millions of dollars that are now being allocated to keep our schools and children safer will not prevent another event like the one in Colorado.

There will be another large attack on a school in the United States this year. And it will be by disaffected students who are trying to make a highly dubious point--their life sucks and somebody's gotta pay.

Here are some other things that won't get solved with "better" legislation or tons of money: Drug use. Terrorism. War. (We have smart bombs and yet the Chinese Embassy accidentally got blown up--what's up with that?) And, of course, life.

Everybody calm down and take a deep breath. Most likely it won't be your kid. Most likely it won't happen in your town. Most likely you'll have no connection to whatever happens next except to see tons of TV and print stories disintegrating the subject.

And all the controls and money and well-meaning "action" taken to prevent the next tragedy will not work. But it will make everyone feel better for a while.

Like a massive P.R. campaign to make people who own American-made cars feel better about owning American-made cars. It doesn't stop the cars from breaking down or failing or having to be called back because the company spent a little less on a safety device than they should have. But it will make you feel better about your car.

So, are you feeling better yet? Is this massive effort to fix everything wrong with our lives making you feel better about yours? Do you need another pill? Another drink? Another quiet afternoon to nap?

You do need your rest, y'know. Another stress-inducing catastrophe is coming up, and it might just put you over the edge. So rest your little eye balls. It'll all seem a lot better in the morning.

Matt Worley believes that all of this could be solved with a comprehensive school uniform/voucher/no guns/free lunch bill. But he doesn't want to write the damn thing.