In anticipation of a great battle (or at least a lot of yelling before the inevitable veto), New Mexico Governor Gary Johnson (a.k.a. the Big Dick) is working his way around the state for the next week or so to push his visionary new plan for education. Just don't call them vouchers.

Call them opportunities. Call them the way of the future. Call them good business. But don't call them vouchers because test marketing has found out that nobody wants "vouchers."

So call them whatever you want, but what our Johnson wants you to know is that you've got it all wrong--this opportunity is good for you. Just like two apples a day and an armored-plated S.U.V. (for those times when you have to drive on the wrong side of the tracks). Johnson was in Roswell late last week, stumping his idea into the heads of people who realize that education in this state is really only good for one thing: a great high school football season.

And you've got to give the people in Roswell credit--they've got the big old Johnson figured out. He's just full of hot blood. Cool him down and he's just a funny looking pasty white politician.

On a local call-in show, the Gov tried to cool off the hot heads in the eastern New Mexico town. Never once mentioning the "V" word, Johnson tried to cajole the Roswell-ellians into believing the impossible lie: that public education is somehow a profitable industry. He spun fantastic stories of entrepreneurs building great new schools with the state's money, solving all of our problems with education and improving the existing public schools because of increased competition.

Johnson, possibly still in awe of Ross Perot's charts, graphs and rube-laden double-talk, tried to use pure math to confuse the Roswell-itans. "Y'see, if you get some go-hung enterprising people to put a school together with 50 children--they get close to $160,000 a year from the state for their new school. And I swear, that's a lot of money for your kids!" (quotes do not indicate actual words used by the Gov)

But he forgot one thing: Roswell is a town world-famous for not believing the government's double talk. You see, they hold an annual festival in honor of what they consider to be the federal government's greatest lie: that extra-terrestrials came down in 1947 and crash-landed on a ranch a little bit outside of their town. And there are several tours to several different sites to prove it.

So the people of Roswell told him exactly what they thought: vouchers (oh no, they didn't get our memo about that word!) will only help people who already send their kids to private schools. A little over three grand is not enough to teach a kid properly. And why don't you get your marathon-running ass out of our town before we create another little conspiracy!

Johnson did the same thing with this feedback he does when the state legislature doesn't like what he has to say: he pretends no one is talking and moves on. Johnson will be touring more towns and cities around the state, bringing his message of idiocy to the masses.

Let's forget about the v-word and the Big Dick and all that other crap for a minute and look at what privatization has actually done to the social industry.

Our private prisons in this state (which make a profit) have a higher rate of violence (both from guards and inmates) than the state-run prisons. Johnson vetoed any kind of government oversight over these privately run prisons--possibly in fear that everyone would see how wrong it was to let "entrepreneurs" (a.k.a. corporate entities) run a prison.

HMO's (privately run health care conglomerates) routinely deny patients care and prescriptions guaranteed by the government--and then overcharge the government for their Medicaid and Medicare patients. Not only do they screw us common folk, they screw the government, too.

So what is going to happen when all of these little privately run schools begin popping up if this voucher thing actually comes to pass? It will be like very-expensive day care. Because even though private businesses are very good at bringing semi-quality for a very good price (a.k.a. Wal-Mart) in the retail area, private businesses have a long way to go in the human services department.

And there's a reason: Wal-Mart can give us cheap stuff because at least half (if not more) of their sales come from products produced mega-cheap in foreign countries--because "entrepreneurs" in foreign countries are allow to treat their employees like caca.

But you can't produce educated kids cheaply.

And one last question before I ride off into the wild blue yonder. The state is proposing to give a little over three grand per kid per year for schooling. But it pays ten times that to keep a prisoner in jail (private or public prisons--doesn't matter). Why are we paying ten times more for people we've written off than for kids who are supposed to be the leaders, doctors, dentists, lawyers and workers of the future?

Just wondering, Gov. Not that you're listening.

Matt Worley makes less in a year than it costs to lock up a convict in New Mexico.