Dow hits 10,000
Y2K
1 plane shot down
(no, it's got to be over 5 planes)
500,000 units moved
40 points in 3 weeks
70 homers
33 cents
$9.75 an hour
5 reams, 500 sheets a ream
20# for $0.98

Everything is relative.

I think that was Einstein, and there was a guy who believed in numbers. I think it was during geometry in 10th grade when I started to doubt math. Because there were these things called proofs. We had to prove that certain numbers and equations existed. What the hell was that? Didn't someone already figure out all of this way before I was born?

And they did figure it all out before I was born. So maybe it was Algebra (9th grade) that really did it. Before something called "imaginary numbers" entered my vocabulary, math was my friend. Everything was straight forward and the answers all went in the right direction. Even when we had to work with negative numbers (even though in real life, if something was in the negative, it didn't actually exist--you couldn't have a negative number of CDs in stock), I understood. Debt, that's negative numbers. Something I'm still very in touch with.

But when the letter 'a' became a symbol for a number, I started to lose faith. If numbers were just symbols and letters were numbers, what was I supposed to really believe in?

Now I have a strange way of doing math in my head.

Say I have to multiply 27,500 by 197. First I round up. 30,000 times 200 (6,000,000). Then 3000 times 200 (600,000). Then 500 times 200 (10,000). Then subtract 10,000 from 600,000 (590,000) then 590,000 from 6,000,000 (5,410,000). And then 3 times 2,500 and add that to 5,410,000. This equals 5,417,500. It takes less time in my head because I don't have to type it all out. But here's the thing. Who cares? Why would anyone want to know what 27,500 times 197 is? And why would they make me do it in my head? Get a calculator.

But this is what I'm talking about, really. Numbers don't matter as much as we think.

Everyone on Wall Street got really happy when the Dow got over 10,000 (for a very short time). It was a milestone. It showed that our economy kicked ass. And then the Dow went under 10,000 again and everything was back to business as usual. What most people don't seem to realize (and the people on Wall Street should know) is that the Dow is only a composite of 30 stocks. 30 out of tens of thousands of stocks for sale. How can thirty stocks adequately represent the entire economy when there are tens of thousands of stocks out there? Because someone said it did and everyone else nodded their head.

It's the same thing with the millennium. It was way after the first year of A.D. when the year 2000 was set. No one living in the time that we now call 1 A.D. knew they were at the beginning of a millennium. They didn't even know what a millennium was. But all of us future people are freaking because we're about to pass go into new territory, the year 2000. Of course, if we would have kept the old calendar, we'd be somewhere nearing 10,000 by now. Which would make more sense when comparing the year to the Dow. But why do we care (and why is the millennium anything more than another chance to get drunk and throw up on your friends shoes?), because someone said it did and everyone else nodded their head.

And here's another useless question. If B.C. means "Before Christ" (which is English), why does A.D. mean "anno Domini" (which is Latin)?

I don't mean to bring everyone down, but I just want to keep a little bit of perspective. Every time I see a commercial asking "Where are you going to be when the next millennium strikes?" and they show a celebration at the Great Wall of China, I have to wonder why anyone in China would care. Not only do they have a different number for the year, they have a different New Year's Day altogether.

So everything is relative. NATO says one plane was shot down and the pilot was rescued. Yugoslavia says over five planes have been shot down and pilots and crew have been captured. Who's right? Who's wrong? Who cares?

Everything is relative. Nothing is sacred. And numbers are a bunch of hooey.

Matt Worley is still trying to figure out why his time is worth a lot less than someone who makes bad jokes about the over/under in Vegas for war planes shot down in the Katastrophe in Kosovo.